P101 – L4

Lesson 4 : Weaknesses

 

  Of the four areas mentioned in the lesson (Mind, Body, Spirit, and Emotion), where do you feel the weakest?

—Out of the areas listed above, I believe that my weakest would be in my emotion. The deeper emotions within the human body (anger and sadness) often have a very bad influence on me and on my behavior towards myself and towards others. As far as the other things listed above…body would have to come next.
While often I try and keep myself decently fit (so that I am not obese and I am not putting my body in any sort of danger), there are still times where I realize I could be doing more for myself, to better myself physically, so as to not upset my emotions over things I cannot seem to do because of physical limitations and difficulty.
Spirit would have to come thirdly because of my wavering ambition to become closer to something larger and more powerful than myself (and the way I waver in trying to believe such a thing could make me a better person).

 Which do you spend the least amount of focus on?

—The mind would come last (and wouldn’t be mentioned as a weakness at all) out of all of the things I could be weak with, simply because I know that as a person, I am forever learning something new with each day that rolls around. There is always something new and fascinating to experience and think upon so I never see myself hindered due to lack of knowledge.
I honestly have never been disappointed with myself and/or upset because there was something I did not know and/or did not have the knowledge of it. Honestly, unless someone brings it to my attention that there are things I am not-so-smart-in…I never really care or let it worry me.

 

In times of difficulty, which areas have contributed to that difficulty?

—As mentioned above, the things that would have to grieve me the most and cause the most difficulty would be issues with the body and with my emotions. My emotions (I feel) make me vulnerable, thus making me weak. Something similar with my body. When there are things I cannot do (like keeping up with Taz when she is running or not being able to do more than 3 push-ups), it makes me feel small, frail, and insignificant. It makes me feel weak, and I hate that feeling.
When I am feeling fat or weak, then it flares up my emotions…and when my emotions flair (whether it be with sadness, anger, or both) that usually causes problems for me, and it also affects the people around me in negative ways as well. My emotions can run pretty deep and get rather intense. When they hit those areas of high intensity…sometimes I just cannot control myself, and I have a bad habit of making un-wise decisions.

 Did your emotions create volatile situations?  Has your health hindered you from success?  Have you struggled with academics?   

—I have never struggled with academics. In fact, I was a good college student (while I was going), and while in high school, I was ranked 187 out of 350 students, was in the National Honor Society, National Society of High School Scholars, was President for my Homeroom, did a lot of other small organizations (Link Crew & Student Council), and finally got accepted into an all-girls College on scholarships and grants.

Physically…it’s not that I ‘never’ succeeded in doing something because of my physical limitations (due to weight and lack of exercise), but it’s more or less things I made excuses to NOT do because I did not want to exercise, I do not like to exercise, and I was fine with my weight as long as other people were fine with it too.  I never became a Marine because I gained all the weight back that I had worked so hard to drop while in high school…I just did not want to put in all that effort again because at that time, I was in a very dark place. Even now, I weigh 160 pounds. I am fine with the notion of never being truly skinny…because I find that I am beautiful otherwise. But, sometimes my girlfriend will drop hints (when she does not openly say) that it would not hurt for me to be a little skinnier. That’s when it hurts…that’s the only time when I feel like I am truly fat, and then I hate myself for being so lazy and being this way. Otherwise, I am generally fine being just the way I am.

And I do not know where to even start when it comes to my emotions…
I guess another example and/or examples would all have to go back to my relationship with Taz as well. Taz has a temper, and her emotions flair out of control, and she often says really stupid and hurtful things just because she is angry and has no other way to express her emotions (she doesn’t know how). I was the same way when I was younger and was still being abused at one of my parents house. Anger was the only way I knew how to deal with my emotions because taking out frustrations on someone else made me feel like I was in control…that I had all the power and therefore that cured me of feeling weak…at least…for a short while.

But, as I grew older…I became more patient and realized how much doing that hurt people…how it hurt all the wrong people, and that even if it was towards the person hurting you, revenge is never the answer for anything, and all it does is spread hate. But, because I was never truly taught how to cope with my emotions…when my patience breaks, and those walls wear thin…sometimes I get angry again, and when I do not get angry…I get so frustrated at not being able to lash out that I sit in the middle of the floor, I scream, I cry…then I find somewhere away from the conflict and I hide away until I feel better.

But when I get angry…and even when I’m sad, I am often prone to make really stupid decisions (moreso than normal). Looking back at my relationship with Taz, there are still so many areas of our time together that I regret numerous actions that I took because I was being so heavily influenced by my emotions. There were times where she was trying to explain something, but I assumed the point she was trying to get at and I lashed at her for it before she had time to explain…and then she wanted to break up. There were other times where I immediately went on the offensive over something because she had made hints at something so small and stupid, and then I would lash out at her…she never deserved that. Then, there were other times when I would never let her finish talking…even though she was trying to explain her feelings rather than fight…so much could have been avoided if I would have just settled down and been more calm. And finally there is the fact that I like to push her buttons. When Taz is mad…you’re supposed to just leave her alone, let her take a nap and sort things out in her head…because when she feels better she will talk it out like an adult. But, I never let her have that time alone. I go on the defensive when she starts spewing hurtful words at me. I scream and cry and get up in her face. I try to force her to talk to me, beg her not to be mad at me and forgive me…finally I apologize for things I shouldn’t apologize for, tell her to forgive me some more, and then keep her awake with my frantic sobbing until she gets so sick of me that she locks herself in another room.

That’s why my being an emotional intuitive made so much sense…when certain things get really heated up, these waves of emotions hit me, and I can never keep them under control. My body is this bomb of turmoil and emotional chaos just ready to explode at all times, and that, to me, is one of the greatest weaknesses of all time. And the thing is…I used to blame it all on my ex. I used to say that it was after her that I became so weak and emotionally fragile…but I have realized over the years that, that’s not the case. I was always this way…I have just found different ways to channel these emotions to keep me from becoming violent like the person that used to hit me all those years ago.

Wow…went on a rant there. Sorry.

Focus on what you consider your greatest weakness.  Do you feel this is an area you can strengthen?

—My emotions are tricky…and while sometimes I have been able to keep them under control. I know that I also have a long way to go in order to fix this ‘problem’ of mine. Sometimes I give Taz her space…but it’s not without consequences on my body and on my mind. Sometimes I can remain clam and can avoid fights…but more times than not, I actually just make a situation worse by poor choice of words, yelling, screaming, crying, and doing other things that cause conflict when my emotions start flaring up and getting out of control again. My emotions and the fact that I want to improve upon this weakness and try and abolish it…that’s the reason I’m here taking these lessons. I was control over my self…over my inner conflicts so that I can help others with their conflicts.

P101 – L3

Greatness

 

Assignment: I’d like you to take some time with this idea. Think of at least two people you ad- mire. List what it is you admire about them. Can you see the potential for that same greatness within you? Think about the Marianne Williamson quote – are you afraid that you could have this greatness within you? What would it mean if you had the qualities within yourself that you admire in others? Would you need to change your life, or lose your excuses? For fun, you can also apply this activity to your favorite Jedi – why do they inspire you, what qualities do you ad- mire, etc.

The two people that I chose of whom I admire (because there are lots of people that I admire) are two of my closest friends.
The first one that I chose is my girlfriend Tasmara.
I admire Taz more than anything, and look up to her a great deal. I admire her determination to go after her goals, no matter how impossible they seem, and I also admire the fact that she will do her best in order to finish what she started. She has learned to never leave something incomplete…because once you start a challenge, you must finish it, whether you win or lose in the end. It is this part of her personality that I look up to the most, and pray that one day I can be just as determined.
Another thing that I admire about Taz is her creativity and her knack for seeing outside of the box. She also has a knack for seeing things in objects that perhaps others wouldn’t even have thought. For example on these: When Taz goes to goodwill, she will often find broken or worn items that nobody would ever want in their house. But, Taz will find a way to fix up that item and make it into something spectacular…she will completely transform that item into something more useful and that fits her purposes.
Also, Taz is rather good with riddles, and she is really good at finding things in the oddest of places (like when she goes dumpster diving and/or we are hiking or something). They aren’t huge talents or anything special, but, it is what makes her Taz…and I love her because of it.
The second person that I chose is my best friend Kirsten. I admire Kirsten because she is one of the most gentle beings that I have ever met in my life. While at times she can be air-headed and clumsy, she is the one that actually manages to keep her head when a situation gets out of hand. She is very soft-spoken and does not like conflict…and no matter how bad a situation gets, she will always find a way to calm it down and keep it from raging out of control again.
She is a mothering type and does well taking care of others…also, she is a very talented artist (one of the best I have ever seen), and she too finds uses for the oddest of things to make them into something amazing, something that everyone can be in awe of and appreciate.

As for the second part of the assignment discussion the Williamson quote: I agree that is easier to see our flaws than it is to actually talk about our strengths. It is easier to use the excuse, “Well no one is perfect” rather than try to awaken the better parts of ourselves laying dormant. I do believe that we all have the possibility for becoming great and doing great things, but I also believe that the reason it scares others to become that better person is because of responsibility. Obviously, to get a better job, one needs a better education, and to survive in the first place, one needs income, thus that one person would need to go get a job. It’s sad…but there are a lot of people in this world that do not want to work in order to receive anything. There are people who purposefully sit in their own filth and become absorbed in poverty so that others will give them stuff for free.
Some women in Terre Haute only kept having children because it meant more welfare money. There are always supposed-beggars, sitting in camp chairs with a cardboard sign, begging for money when they actually have a job on the side and are just trying to bring in free food and untaxed income. People would rather find the easiest way of making a little money rather than working hard and actually having a decent life for themselves…just because it’s easier.
Sadly, most humans are programmed to take that easy-way-out because,”No one is perfect”. And I myself feel like I can be one of those people on occasion. I went to college for 2 years, and I hated it. I hated it because the schools screwed me over and out of money, I never did find my true calling as far as career, I was going for the major that my parents wanted me to do…and I just wasn’t happy. And during that time, all I kept telling myself was that I should quit because even if I had a low-paying job, Taz wouldn’t mind because I was still working. It was a sad and pathetic thing to say, but it was easier than thinking about how much loan money I already had to pay off and how my life seemed to be going nowhere.
Of course, this is before I decided that I wanted to go back to being a Police Officer (which Airsoft and Taz influenced), and this is before I came to the realization that, were I to ever go back to school, I would follow my dreams and be a DJ…but the purpose of my telling you this was to show you how excuses make people feel better rather than admitting to greatness and then having what seems like the whole world on your shoulder.
Lastly, I do not really have a favorite Jedi.
But, if I did…it would be Anakin Skywalker (before he became Darth Vader). Reason being is that Anakin seems the most human to me. Whereas some Jedi in the movie almost seemed robotic and plugged into a system, Anakin had his doubts, he had his moments of weakness, but for the most part (until the end when he embraced the darkside) he was able to overcome his mortal-instincts to give up, and instead, he pressed on to find a solution to his problems. That, I think, is admirable.

P101 – L2

Strengths:

 

Hobbies: What did you enjoy doing as a child? What do you enjoy doing now in your free time? If money and time were no object, what would spend your time doing?

As a child I had many, many hobbies. But to just name a few, I was very much into the popular things likeVideo games: ( Pokemon, Final Fantasy, Guild Wars, WoW, and AION), watching cartoon: ( Digimon, Zoids, Gundam, Dragon Ball Z, Yu-Gi-Oh), Playing with electronic toys and board games: (Skannerz, Beyblades, Heroscape),and lastly, being creative and finding ways to lose myself into a fantasy world: (Drawing, Writing, and Reading).
The Pokemon games are a hobby that have followed me throughout my life, and I still continue to buy them, play them, and beat them to this day. I was the Pokemon Master of my Elementary and Middle School, and I took that title with pride because it was something that I was good at (and back then, I was not good at very many things). The addiction of it came from the fact that, not only was it a strategic game, it also allowed you to catch monsters and make them into your companions, your friends…back when I was a child, I was stuck in a dark place where I was lonely and I felt shunned/unwanted. Games like Pokemon gave me something that I could get lost in…gave me virtual creatures that I could raise to be the best so that they could protect me and they never ran away, so I would always have them as my friends (it may sound silly now, but back when I was little, it made all the sense in the world). That’s why I was also addicted to the other things like Digimon, Tamogotchi, and etc.
Zoids (and the other cartoons listed) were all of my favorites at the time. I would collect merchandise and model kits from all of those things, and it influenced my art and my writing (that’s what got me started on writing fan-fictions in the first place).
Finally, Drawing, Writing, and Reading were my last attempts to escape my horrible reality (way back when). I would draw characters…different personas of myself that were immortal, were strong, and nothing could bring them down and/or break their spirit. They were in control whereas I felt like I was spiraling out of control. I finished my first ‘novel’ in sixth grade titled,”Dragon Slayers of the Elements.” It was a whopping 152 pages…and even though the writing and form is terrible, I still treasure it to this day. Reading was my last escape as I read about brave heroes going on these wild adventure with their friends. Sometimes I would pretend the villain to be another version of my own enemies, and when they were defeated it made me happy and gave me a rush of confidence that maybe I would be able to overcome my own struggles someday (in which I did).
Nowadays I try to keep my hobbies as simple as possible…I still draw, paint, and write. I love being craftsy and coming up with new ideas for portraits, sketches, tales, and etc. It really puts my mind into motion, and it especially makes me happy when people praise me for the final result.
I do not read as often as I used to as I would much rather write my own stories than read others and WISH I could write as well as they do. But, here recently I just bought some more books, and I figure that I might take it up again because it really is relaxing.
Video games are still a huge part of my life…even though I do not play them as often as I used to. In fact, I find it hard when Taz is home to play ‘certain’ games because they are not ones that we can play together. That’s why, when she is not home, I often spend waaaaay too much time on my laptop, losing hours and hours to raids, quests, and daily events.
Here recently (this year) I acquired a liking for Airsoft. I have already explained it a couple of times here at the Institute, but Airsoft is really good for Integrative Practice when it comes to the Jedi Path, also…it made me feel better about myself because it helps me get fit, it calms my jealousy over my girlfriend, and frankly, it makes me feel tough, a feeling a rather enjoy.
And I think that…were I to have more time on my hands and the money to do so, I would join a Dojo. I would take up martial arts a couple days out of the week, start doing more in the way of Airsoft, and honestly, I would just start aimlessly traveling in search of an adventure. Sounds nice to me.

Career: As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? What would be your ideal career now?
As a child I had the desire to be a veterinarian. I loved all animals dearly, and so, I thought that becoming an animal doctor was the best way to show that passion. I know that…now…I only wanted that profession because it meant that I got to see animals all day. I thought that animals would come in and then I could pet them and play with them all day long to make money…but I was very naïve.
Obviously I knew that animals required medicine and other things in order to get better when they were sick, but, I was not taking into account the fact that some animals needed surgery, some animals could not be saved, and some animals would be brought to me because it was their time to go.
After I realized that I would not only be saving animals…but watching some animals die…then my desire to be a vet quickly faded (especially when I saw how much schooling and Math would be involved).
Later I decided to become a Psychologist or a Music Therapist…but that flame burnt out almost as quickly as it was lit.
Besides, as I grew older, I found things that interested me far more than being a vet. Nowadays, if I could be anything, I would be a Police Officer (and plan to be once I get back from Germany in 2016). I would be that, or a DJ, or a Soldier…just because I love the radio, and/or I love being tough, and I love being able to stand up for what’s right and protect others from danger and harm.

Education: If time and money were not issue, what would you want to learn more about? This includes your Jedi path – if we had our ideal situation of an offline Academy or Temple, what would you hope to learn and focus on? Be as specific as possible.

If I had the time and money to go back to school and learn anything that I pleased, I would take instrument lessons. Things like Piano and Guitar…I would find someone to teach me how to play my accordion so that these things weren’t sitting in a storage unit, collecting dust. I would also take up some theater classes, and some art classes as well…things that teach me how to use photoshop and that teach me better art techniques so that might improve upon what I already do (that and I always like being crafty). I would take more language classes so that I could communicate with people from all over the world.
As for the Jedi Temple…were it in the context listed above, I would just want to do what I am already doing here at the Institute, only, I would want to do it amongst other people in the flesh. It really does make a difference when you have a whole group of people attempting something with you (in person), rather than trying to follow certain procedures, and then attempting to do things alone in your bedroom. I would want to take classes on Herbalism, Healing, and made some jewelry-making from Jax ;p

Personality: What do you consider to be your strengths?
1. I think that I am very creative.
2. I believe that I am a good listener.
3. I believe that I am a very patient person.
4. I believe that I am pretty darn funny when I want to be (and others would agree with this).
5. I believe that I have a deep sense of determination.
6. I believe that I am rather calm, despite the occasional tantrum or bought of hyper activity.
7. I am respected because I am willing to accept the consequences for my actions.
8. I am generally the voice of reason among my friends.
9. I am rather stubborn (in good ways).
10. I will never stoop to someone’s level in order to win an argument…and I am proud of myself for this.

As you initially think about these questions, how do you feel?
As I look through these questions and over my answers…I can tell that I have changed dramatically since that time when I was much younger. Granted, this is normal…but it was something that I never thought would happen. I always thought that I was going to remain the same in both the good and bad senses…but seeing how I have developed over the years and have become more…confident and more like the adult I want to be, well, it’s just a really nice feeling. It feels like I am accomplishing great things just by being myself…and it’s strange, but nice all at the same time.

Finally, I‘d like you to share your dream for the future of your path and that of the Jedi community. Where do your strengths fit into this picture.
I am still not sure what the Jedi Path holds for me. I am not sure what the future in general holds for me, so it is uncertain of what I will ever have to offer this Community. Honestly, the way I see it…I am here as a Truth Seeker. I have come to this place in order to learn the ways of the Jedi, practice my life in way of the light, and achieve my ultimate goal of becoming a Jedi Knight. Through these lessons and through these trials, I am ultimately becoming a better person than what I was before…a stronger person. It is merely my dream and hope that one day, this Community of people will grow and flourish as more people become Truth Seekers like myself, and wander to this place. It is my dream that one day, the Jedi Community will not be laughed at because we are merely a bunch of “role-playing, Star Wars freaks”, but that we will be respected and honored because of our contributions towards making this world a better and more peaceful place. That’s really the only way I can think so say it.

Understanding…

 

So, as I have not had the time to complete my social experiment that I started (that will take some time as I still have to go through my little sister and then my best friend), I decided to go through a new little ‘experiment’ of mine.

 

As I mentioned before in a previous blog entry over “where there is light there is also the darkness”, the SITH belief is one that I do not understand, and what I actually DO understand of their lifestyle, I highly disagree with. But, as one that does not really ‘judge’ but rather just give my outwardopinion of things, I like to truly ‘understand’ the things I am opposed against, rather than just say I am for the sake of things.

 

For example, I have nothing against Christians and respect their beliefs without argument…but, personally, I find the Christian Religion to be rather silly. That is only because I was raised as such, studied it, determined it was not the correct path for me, and went about my way. I tried different divinations of Christianity before making my way into other paths…because I wanted to see that it wasn’t just my bad experiences that turned me away from the Church. I truly tried to ‘understand’ Christianity before making my opinion on it…

 

Do I bash Christians? No. Do I openly tell them that I find their Religion silly when prompted in conversation? No. Do I turn down the missionaries when they come to my door wanting to talk about their God? No…I invite them in and ask them if they would like a cup of coffee or tea. I will sit there and listen to their words and the ‘wisdom’ they have gained through their experience as missionaries because I find some of it rather fascinating…and honestly, it makes my heart happy to hear of their tales of enlightenment and discovery. I love hearing about their adventures and respect the path they have chosen for themselves.

 

But, I’m getting rather off-track…all I’m saying is that I do not look down on anyone for their personal beliefs, even if they go against my own. After all, my girlfriend is a Catholic, and that does not keep me from dating her and wanting the both of us to have a long, happy life together.

 

But, when it comes to this SITH-thing, I have such a deep opposition to it that it almost feels similiar to a well of hatred. It’s like I have a burning passion to stop this force of evil before it gets out of control and they actually become a threat to the human race along with the JEDI society. Then again, part of me says that, even though they have dark intentions…a part of me thinks that they could never become a powerful enough force to really do anything in the way of ‘taking over a society’ and all that other junk that they spew. I feel like this well of hatred comes from the fact that I have watched the Star Wars movies and easily pin SITH as people that need to be stopped no matter what the cost.

 

It’s these conflicting feelings inside me that leads me to then want to ‘understand’ them as a group, as a religion, and as a lifestyle. It’s like I merely just want to snoop around, gather information and resources so that I might share it with my other JEDI so they know what they may come up against some day. Also, a part of me just wants to snoop around to ease my own fears amd concerns over this ‘cult’ of Dark Lords.

 

Obviously, if I were to do it, I would need an alias. They do not allow women into their ranks, and they require a photo in order for one to be accepted into their group. Their rules for getting in are rather strict. as they want a lot of personal information about those wishing to join their ranks. They are only searching for those that are ‘deemed worthy’, and thus, I would have to come up with something that would really impress them.

 

*sigh* I don’t know…it’s just a thought that has been nagging at me all day. It’s the fact that I don’t know what they are up to that bothers me the most, then there is the fact that I already despise them before I have taken the time to ‘study’ them that has me all wigged out. I’m a very organized person when it comes to my system of beliefs, so, to already have made an assumption on what these people are like without really doing the research…it just does not seem right to me.

 

I guess another fear then is that maybe I might get pulled in. I may not agree with the SITH in what they stand for, but at the same time, I also know that when I was young, there was a darker side of me that took many years to surpress. Even now I still fear the demon inside me…I still fear that it lingers within the depths of my heart and mind, just waiting to be released again. I know that may sound strange to those reading this…but then again…you do not know the things that I have been through—not up to this point in my life.

 

Hm…I will sleep on it.

P101 – L1

Telling my Story
By: Amelia Long
Assignment 1 // Personal 101
Instructor: Jax

I Dream in Windmills

The title that I used for this specific assignment is actually one that is very dear to me. It is actually the title that I used for my epitaph…the story of my life that I had begun writing so that one day I might pass it down to my children and they could see a side of me that maybe they never got to know. So, I figured, what better way to start an assignment on my story than with a very pretty title?
I will say now that, I always felt that, in my family, I was the odd-child-out. I was the middle of three (my older brother, myself, and my little sister) and my Mother will openly admit to this day that I have always been overly-complicated and wise-beyond-my-years. My first living memory takes me back to 1993. I was two years old and was sleeping on the couch because I had been ill. I was standing up on the couch, leaning against the back of it to peer out the window into the night sky. It was a full moon, and I was waiting for the sun to rise.
At this age…I was trying to figure out the workings of the world. I wondered why lettuce and leaves looked so similar but tasted nothing alike. I was wondering why people said the sky was black at night when it was actually a really dark blue…and, on this specific night, I was wondering how the sun appeared in the morning. My original thought was that the sun and the moon were actually the same entity and that, when the sun became tired, it shut off it’s yellow light and went to sleep, and that was how it became the moon.
But, because I was not sure of this…here I was, forcing my tiny body to stay awake so that when 7am rolled around, I could sit there and watch as the moon went into hiding, and the sun came up to take its place in the sky. That was just the beginning of more overly complicated thoughts and series of processes I would go through as I grew up.
But on to the more specific questions….
Mentally, I have always had multiple interests. As mentioned above, I love breaking things down to figure out how they work, how they function, and why. That’s why in college I loved studying psychology and sociology. It was fascinating taking the brain apart and figuring out why people did certain things, and how one small alteration in the brain could cause drastic effects whether good or bad. Even before college and the courses I was always studying human behavior…running small, social experiments to try and figure things out on my own. For example: I would go on different games and make a male character and a female character…and interact with the same person to see how they reacted to each character. And though the characters I made had the same personality, people took differently to them because of their gender. Sometimes I would make two male characters and make one of them straight and one of them gay, then I would do the same thing stated above to see how different people (technically) reacted to the same person only in a different body.
Mentally, I also like deep conversations on religion, religious theory, and other complex things. I like looking into some history, but science and music were always my favorite subjects in school. That’s why I eventually took my love of the human-mind and my love for music and decided to major in Music Therapy for a short amount of time.
But more than what I like to study…I like to fantasize. I used to be so lost in fantasy that I could not tell what was fantasy and what was reality. Granted, this was during a rather dark time in my life…but it happened, and I felt like a lost child when I finally shook free from that dreamy haze I had been locked in.
While I normally fantasize about wacky adventures and novel-plots, what I fantasize about most is power over myself. Control of myself, and glory. I always dreamed of doing something important so that my name was instantly categorized with strength, with honor, with sacrifice, with pride. That was why my dream job was to be a Marine or a soldier in general. That’s why I was so drawn to the JEDI lifestyle because it offered the discipline I wanted, the ultimate goal of doing good for the world, strengthening ones body so that you are mentally and physically able to harness The Force, and it was a modern-day knighthood and honor-system that brought with it thoughts of glory. I know it seems silly…but it’s just something that I have always wanted.
So that can then lead us into what I aspire to physically.
Physically, I have not been very active. In middle-school and high-school I let myself go and gained a lot of weight. That caused for a loss of confidence in myself, lack of self-esteem, and a lot of other problems that were associated with obesity. I developed activity-induced-asthma though I had never been anywhere near asthmatic in my life, and I developed a problem controlling my blood-sugars. But that’s when I found the marines, and started training so that right after high-school was over with, I could go off to BMT. I lost 80 pounds…started working out twice-a-day every day (even when I had work)…but then I lost sight of my goal. Emotions from a terrible breakup (a relationship of 5 years and I was engaged) as well as a huge scholarship from my dream school gave me an excuse to be lazy. I gained a ton of weight back…and when my recruiter called, I told him that I did not have what it took and that if he tried to convince me otherwise then he was just wasting his time.
That was then…
But, nowadays, I have realized what a fool I was for letting myself go. Seeing my partner become an Army soldier awakened in my jealousy and sadness over my pathetic appearance. So, I started playing Airsoft to relieve some of the jealousy over never becoming a soldier. I started running, started lifting weights, and doing other small exercises to get my extra weight off. Even now, I just bought 8 Krav Maga classes for $30 off of Amazon, and I am getting a Krav Maga DVD-set for Christmas to take with me to Germany. physically I believe that the body can be strong, but it also very fragile. It needs to be taken care of and as it is the one thing giving you life, it deserves to be treated as a Temple rather than destroyed by drugs, by laziness, and by other things that can be deemed more harmful than good.
Finally, spiritually, my ideals have never really changed, they have just become more ‘defined’ over the years. As mentioned before in the introductory course, I was raised as a mixture between Catholic and Baptist (because my parents were divorced). While I wanted to be a good Christian because I wanted to be with my family in Heaven, I did not believe in the ‘God’ that the Church was always preaching about. I did not understand how a religion based off of ‘donations’ and ‘fear of being damned to hell’ could be something that was wholly-good as stated in the Bible. I also did not understand why a Holy Book was allowed to be changed, revised, was only written by men, and yet was supposed to be the direct word of this so-called “God”.
I have studied religion off-and-on since I was thirteen. I left the Baptist Church after being threatened to have my personal possessions burned, and that’s when I decided that I needed to find my own path…something that I could really feel and could really believe in. Wicca was my first attempt at another religion and spiritual guidance after leaving the Church. their beliefs reflected my own in certain areas (everything has a spirit, the karmatic belief, and reincarnation), but overall, the ceremonies, prayers, and rituals did not click with me. They left me feeling silly, uncomfortable, and farther from The Divine (as it is called in Pagan beliefs) than what I had originally felt. I became a “Three-Day-Monk” (referring to a wonderful blog entry on IJRS).
When my interest in Wicca started to fade, I decided to try Nocturnal Wicca thinking that might help, then I tried other Pagan divinations, then tried to join a Coven, then tried to make my own Coven instead, but nothing seemed to stick with me for more than a week. I slipped away from religion for 4-years after that…then I found the JEDI Path, and so far (considering that I am currently taking this course) it has stuck with me. As a religion and a lifestyle, I consider it wholly good…I consider it a lawful good association, a very understanding community, something that will keep my desire to commune with nature, teach me to take control over myself and gain power over my darker sides, and something that will bring me that pride, glory, and strength that I have always wanted…all the while helping the world become a better place.

New project of mine…

So…lately I have continued to ponder over the relationship between those of different lifestyles and religions: how we still manage to cooperate as a single whole, even when it seems as though we are two completely different people.

I have many examples like this within my life. My girlfriend is one example: she was raised Catholic and still claims to be so even though she is not heavily practiced and/or involved in it—my best friend from high school is a Mormon and is just now breaking free of her once-strict religious lifestyle and opening her eyes to new things and new possibilities. Lastly you have my little sister who is Baptist, has an immense fear of being damned to hell, and who desperately wishes to reach out to God and hear the voices beyond.

Then you have me… The Pagan/Jedi.

So I decided to do a little bit of a social experiment within this group of people. I decided that I wanted each of these people to go with me through a guided meditation…just to see what their minds came up with while they were immersed in another world.

I have already gone through one with my girlfriend, and I figure that once I get the results from the other two experiences, I will write a whole blog then. But, I am excited to see what I end up with 🙂

Where there is Light there is also the Darkness…

The Universal Symbol for the New Age of Sithism

The other day I was thinking about what had originally drawn me towards the JEDI Path and way of life…
And like I said so many times in my responses to questions and in my reports—I would like to think that it was something fascinating, some sort of message and/or epiphany that had made look into the JEDI Church and into their teachings. But, sad as it may be…it just so happened that time-and-place made me bored at home (within my old apartment), and old-time discussions in theology and history class + frustrations due to current events made me realize that religion is a fickle thing.

While Religion in itself can be enlightening and can be good for the mind, for the body, and for the over-all moral structure of Human development…religion and religious beliefs can also be very dangerous; not only for those involved in certain religious practice, but also for others of different groups who could be considered ‘enemies’ of a specific belief system (just take the Nazi rule versus the Jews for example).
So it was in my own little inner day-dreamings about crazed-cults that I happened to look over at my movies, see “Star Wars I” on VHS and then wonder to myself whether some people considered themselves real-life JEDI. And look where I am today 🙂

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So where is this journal going?
Well…I’m sure that you noticed the New-Age Sithism Insignia at the top of the page….

Today was just another one of those days of inner day-dreamings where I was wondering about religious cults and the way they form. But, my mind also went into the topic of “Yin-and-Yang” and the fact that there are always two-sides if the same coin. Everything good has something bad to challenge it…and so…where there is light, there is also the darkness. That is how the world is balanced. We need both in order to function properly…and because there was a JEDI religion and lifestyle, I was also curious to see what there was as far as a SITH religion and/or lifestyle was concerned.

While I was a part of the JEDI-Church group on Facebook, there were many members on there that considered themselves avid practitioners of the SITH lifestyle…there were also others on there that while, they were not interested in becoming JEDI, they often asked about SITH and how the JEDI religion could possibly have an “anti-force”. There was never anything mentioned about any actual practice as far as the SITH went…so I never thought that such an order existed….
But…today I found the SITH-Academy.

I have not been able to do much research thus far because of lack of laptop (I’m using Taz’s at the moment while my new one is being shipped to me), but what I have found greatly disturbs me…and yet…it intrigues me at the same time.
I have listed the Sithism Principles and Teachings down below…but you can read them for yourself: HERE.

 

Sith Academy is this planet’s first temple of Sithism. We are open to all seekers who wish to walk the Sith Path of Power. Sithism is a religion, philosophy and way of life which takes inspiration from the Sith of Star Wars, Nietzschean philosophy, Eastern mysticism, science fiction and many other sources. The main pillars and prophets of Sithism are described below. 

THE PILLARS OF SITHISM

The Primacy of Power

“What is good? All that heightens the feeling of power, the Will to Power, power itself in man. What is bad? All that proceeds from weakness. What is happiness? The feeling that power increases – that a resistance is overcome.” This is the Golden Rule of Sithism. 

The Dark Tao

“We must know that war is common to all and strife is justice, and that all things come into being through strife necessarily.” The fundamental creative force in this ‘verse is conflict. Through conflict, life evolves, the strong grow stronger and man achieves greatness. The Sith seek to align themselves with this Dark Tao or Lucifer Principle in order to achieve ever higher levels of power. 

Esoteric Hierarchy

In the Sith Path there are two kinds of power: inner power and outer power. Power over the outer cosmos belongs to those who have mastered the inner cosmos: the Sith sorcerers and psychic supermen, not the muggles and mundanes. Our order therefore opposes socialism, democracy and egalitarianism and favors oligarchy, theocracy and imperialism. 

The Power of the Dark Side

“Man needs what is most evil in him for what is best in him.” To maximize his power, man must learn to embrace his Shadow and awaken all aspects of his nature. Man’s dark side can be his most potent ally, but only if it is brought under control with Sith discipline. 

Dark Energy

“Dark side of the Force”, “dark force” or “dark energy” are terms used by Sith masters to reflect our belief in a universal energy field which is driving the galaxies apart and moving the cosmos toward a state of universal darkness. As with “chi”, “ki” “prana”, “mana” or “vril” in other esoteric traditions, harnessing dark energy is the key to developing one’s psychic power and attaining Sith mastery. 

The Superman

“I teach you the Superman. Man is something that shall be overcome.” The goal of the Sith Path is to produce supermen – mental, spiritual and physical super-beings who can lead the way to a higher order of existence for mankind. 

The Endarkenment

The Sith Illuminati believe that this planet’s memetic environment is shifting dramatically toward the dark side. They believe that the Age of Enlightenment is ending and an Age of Endarkenment is upon us. Sith Academy seeks to become the leading school of Endarkenment ideology on this planet. 

Multiversal Mythology

Sith mystics believe that everything imaginable exists in a larger multiverse of ideas. Therefore the Sith of the Galaxy Far, Far Away, the Bene Gesserit of Dune, the Augments of Star Trek, Doctor Doom of the Marvel Universe, Ra’s al Ghul of the DCU and many other inspiring fictional individuals are seen as real heroes, saints and gods of Sithism. 

Galactic Empire

The primary outer-cosmic goal of Sithism is to move mankind toward ever-higher levels of organization and power – to establish global, solar and galactic Empires under the guidance of the Sith theocracy. Ultimately, the Sith Empire seeks to merge with the Dark Universe itself. 

THE PROPHETS OF SITHISM

Friedrich Nietzsche

The philosopher Nietzsche was the first great prophet of the dark side in the Western world. His ideas have been misinterpreted, romanticized and sanitized for more than a century, but Sithism is the first attempt to build a working religious ideology upon them. 

Darth Imperius

Darth Imperius is the founder and grandmaster of Sith Academy. In 2011 he had a revelation during which he was contacted by the last of the Sith Lords of the Galaxy Far, Far Away and commanded to begin building the first Sith Order in this galaxy. 

Darth Sidious

Darth Sidious, aka Emperor Palpatine, was one of the greatest of the Sith Lords of the Galaxy Far, Far Away. His masterful plan to overthrow the Republic, destroy the Jedi and establish a Galactic Empire serves as a great inspiration to Sith disciples in this galaxy. 

The Buddha

The only religious prophet on this planet whom the Sith consider worthy of emulation is Gautama Buddha. In areas such as metaphysics, meditation and psychology his insights are unsurpassed. The Sith are in many respects a dark side Buddhist lamacracy. 

H. P. Lovecraft

H. P. Lovecraft had profound insights into the nature of our Dark Universe and is one of the prophets of the Endarkenment. His philosophy of “Cosmicism” has strongly influenced the Sith worldview. 

THE PATH OF SITHISM

The Sith Path is a path of inner and outer empowerment designed to produce the first generation of Sith masters in this galaxy. The Sith Path incorporates elements from many traditions, including Eastern disciplines such as Zen meditation, Kundalini Yoga and Qigong, “mind tricks”, persuasion and seduction techniques, left-hand path occultism, Machiavellian political skills, cosmic science and imperialist ideology. To begin your journey on the Sith Path, proceed to the Initiates Course.

 

As far as I have seen, they said that they are only taking Men into their ranks…
This organization seems serious and legit enough…but whether or not they truly function as an academy with people who are also serious in obtaining this so-called “Unlimited Power” is another thing.

I don’t know…they say that curiosity killed the cat…and I am in no-way interested in going to “The Dark Side” as it is my current, long-term goal to become a “JEDI Knight” and Master. Still, I am really, really curious of this SITH Academy. I’m not exactly sure why.

Anyways…what is everyone’s opinion on this anti-force?