Archive for December, 2015

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Wow…it as been awhile, hasn’t it?
I thought that this blog would be full of constant posts about my progress as a Force-Realist, but in reality, there is not too much to report anymore. Don’t get me wrong…I could report any number of things that are not Force-Related as this is supposed to be “my challenge”…a blog about my life and how it has changed. But I guess, because of recent events (recent as of October last year), I have been holding out for that one big post about it all…once everything falls into place, I can let everyone know of the events that transpired and that changed me forever. But, for now, I just have another handful of updates for you.

So first…let me cover “Exercise”:

So…to put it simply: “I got fat”.
Some of it was pure laziness on my part, but then the other part was that while I was in Germany, I was not taking the best care of my body, and when I came back to the USA, it caught up with me. In Germany, I was only eating maybe 1-2 meals a day…and they had little to no substance to them. I would snack on Pizza for 3 days, and eat eggs and zucchini every day but even with that, depression, stress, and being sick all the time was making me lose weight. I did not want to ask my (now ex) lover for help because then she would usually scream at me, saying I was too expensive or that I could not take care of myself…and if her and I were dating at the time, she would then proceed to break up with me…and it was always just a hassle and mess that I did not want.

So now, as mentioned before, I am back in the USA…and with full meals again, eating 3-meals a day and then some…my body blew up like a balloon. My skin stretched…my belly got stretch marks, then my arms, armpits, breasts, legs, and even in my various other pelvic regions. These are things that I have never suffered before (well, except minor belly stretch marks from being an obese teenager). So, while my new life has been happy…and I am now well-taken-care of by an amazing woman that has healed me mentally and otherwise…well, the stretch marks and the weight has had me down. But, it was hard finding the time to fix the issue…between working and then keeping up a household for my partner, it all became too much. And I let myself go a little farther. Well, needless to say, here recently, I quit my job.

They sent me to the hospital because they would not let me go home when I could not breathe and was having severe chest pains.
And when I finally snapped at my partner because I was working every day (went 10 days without a single day off), she told me to quit…and she told me to focus on my career. But, that’s just the thing: “What do I want to do with my life?”

It’s never been as simple as saying I like this field and could be this-or-branch out into-that. Hm…instead, the best way to put it is that I’m good at a lot of things, enjoy a lot of things, and therefore could do a lot of things, and because my options are so open, it’s hindering. I went to college before, and it turned out that Psychology was not my thing, Human Services I disliked even more, and then my Music Therapy classes were going to cost more than what they were worth. Gen Ed was an option sure…but after 3 failed majors I was already $15,000 in debt and decided not to go back to school until I decided what I wanted to do…..

Trying to cut a long-story short, my partner finally did what she thought was best, asked me what all things I wanted to do, threw those options in a hat, and I picked “Police Academy”. This would be good for me because now I was on the path of getting fit…or was going to be. My partner (a soldier and also wanting to better herself), got us a Gym Membership and it was something we could do together. But, going to the Gym would not be enough. To start me off right, my partner got me some things from the GNC to aid me in my transformation.

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  1. The firming butter is for the stretch marks. I apply it every night after my shower and already I have seen an improvement.
  2. ¬†Ultra Mega Green is your basic women’s multivitamin to take in order to boost multiple things like immune system, boost your energy and metabolism the natural way and to fight fat and etc. They generally recommend this at any GNC because if you take diet pills it will sap nutrients from your body. This multi-vitamin taken 2-times a day replenishes what the diet pills might strip you of.
  3. Satisfive is a powder added to water and is drank along with meals to keep cravings away. I am hypoglycemic and I get hungry often…even after eating. It’s terrible getting hungry right before bed because hunger turns into pain for me, and then I can’t sleep. But this power made with spinach and other things, turns to gel and wraps around whatever I am eating…causing it to digest just a little slower and makes me feel fuller for longer. So far it works. But I have only been drinking it once a day because it tastes pretty gross and doesn’t mix as well in water as it says. But, you can also mix it with juices, and I want to start doing that once I find the perfect juice that isnt full of sugar and actually has some nutritional benefit to it.
  4. The Performix SST Glow for women is my diet pill…has lypowheat in it, gives me an energy boost…and while more expensive, the glow-version has less caffiene as to not give me the severe jitters when taking it. It’s something very similar to what I took back when I was still living in Indianapolis. I know it works, and I trust it…but getting used to it can be hard. The key is to stay hydrated else you feel sick…but I hate water…so that part of it all has been difficult.

All-in-all I know people are going to tell me: “You don’t need that stuff to get fit…” but, everyone is different. Let me do things my way. As long as I am improving and I’m doing it in a way that is not harming me, there should be no problem. Still, I plan to chronicle my journey on here as I make changes in my life. I got the app S-fit on my phone and need to use it more often. Also, my Father got me a Garmin Vivo-fit-2 watch which syncs to said-app and keeps track of different things applying to fitness as well. So I need to do this. I need to get fit and healthy again.

 

Now I can talk about Sithism, YouTube…and Force-Realism in General:

There was a moment where I woke up on morning and I just felt “powerful”. I could not explain it…but I flt that rush of a Sith Lord again. It came after a meditation session in which I saw Ba’al again…in his masculine-demonic form. He roared at me as my “core” burst into flames. I felt alive again, drawn to The Force again. Somehow this lead me to go back to all the Sith Temples I had studied at…and upon seeing them inactive as per usual, I then found myself wandering back to the Sith Academy out of curiosity.

For awhile the Sith Academy had long gone astray from the power they used to hold and to have. They started making sub-religions, sub-cults in which they would hide behind different masks and act like different people. Most took it as role-playing and just grown men trying to make a quick buck…and it was true. They would recruit people into these different cults and act like they were all aligned with one another and that they had some sort of Army. But, at long last they came back around to Sithism, to Sith Academy and the vision of Darth Omega. They built upon their curriculum, made it more strict, tied it more to social media…actually published a book (if you could call it that). And I reached out to them for a free book to see if maybe they finally came around and were once again the power I knew them as.

They were not…
…they continued to disappoint, still seeming as a gimmick for wealth. Immortalized only in how others joked about them and laughed at what they were teaching. For them, Sithism is blindly following two leaders that have no way to attain the goals they set. And so, I decided that, as a Darth…it is my job to set an example. To get my own word out there. Thus, I made a new YouTube Channel under the name “Larken EshBa’al”

Darth EshBa'al

This channel based only in Sithism is part of a larger project I call “Force Talk”. As someone who knows both sides of The Force (Light and Dark) and who has dabbled along with people claiming to be Je’daii, I made “Force Talk” to answer questions people might have about Force-Realism or Force-Religions/Lifestyles. But, the project was too big to handle on my own.

Force Talk was shut down not long after I started building it, because, even with a script written…as someone more associated with the Dark side of The Force, I just did not feel right tackling Jedi-Realism and other subjects i might not be as versed in.

So, Force-Talk has changed…and even now I’m trying to find a way for people to help. I want to make a channel where multiple people run it, where multiple people make videos and post about their views. Force-Realism whether it be for the Jedi or for the Sith, each side teaches the way in which The Force may be utilized completely different. Where IJRS is constantly changing and integrated some new technique from some new progressive book somewhere…TOTJO has a christian-Jedi model. Same as OotS holds a more open and passive way of Sithism and selfishness in comparison to the cult which is Sith Academy.

Not only that…but while I am more Sith than Jedi and I am indeed a Darth in my heart, my path is a personal one, and my religion is one I am building on my own and which is tied to the creature named Ba’al which is linked to my soul.

Therefore…in conclusion…

My mind has been here, there, and everywhere.

I feel that since 2016 is coming…and I’m soon to be changing a lot in my life (getting fit, getting married, changing a budget, possibly moving, and etc) that I should get back on this blog and really start chronicling the stuff that has changed and the stuff I have been improving on. I want to see myself get better…and that was the original purpose of this blog anyways.

Still…pictures of my eight will be coming. I am going to start keeping tabs on myself again, what I eat, how and when I work out, and etc. Hopefully see some serious changes soon.

Until the next blog.

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