Archive for May, 2013

Back at TOTJO

Posted: May 12, 2013 in TOTJO, Uncategorized

This is nothing major to talk about…but it is a really important part of my timeline when it comes to finding my Path. Since starting over at TOTSO (Temple of the Sith Order) to reclaim my title as Lord (in this case it is now “Dark Lady”), I noticed that a lot of the Sith there are still at TOTJO (Temple of the Jedi Order) as there are many Grey aspects there that have found Power and Harmony through the neutral aspect.

Because I am still trying to find my balance between Peace/Passion, Harmony/Chaos — I thought that starting back at “The Temple of the Jedi Order” would be a good move for me. I still plan on working on my courses via IJRS (I think I might even do an assignment today) as well as helping with the development of TOTSO…but in between all of that, I have already applied for my Official Membership via TOTJO, I look forward to what they have to offer me…and yeah. That is pretty much it.

So just to let all of you know that I have not quit, that I am still working towards that better me…I have just taken my own approach to doing things now ūüôā

I was going to write a bit more, but I think this just comes as a general update and the rest shoudl be left for another post, for another time.



Posted: May 8, 2013 in Uncategorized


…it’s like when they say that the rules are always meant to be broken…do we take Oaths just to go against them in the end? Every FORCE-related site I have ever come across has asked for some sort of Oath that makes you submit to their cause, their specific way of life, their motto, or whatever that may be.

At the Sith Academy, you were made to take an Oath and then say the Mantra. When becoming a Master, there was a new Oath with the old Mantra, and when swearing in as a Lord, there was a brand-new Oath, and then the same old Mantra. Again, if you took an a new Apprentice, it was the same deal. Same with Temple-of-the-Sith-Order (TOTSO). There is an Oath, there will be a Mantra; and while the Oath is not as restricting as others I have seen and/or have taken, these things just seem to put me at an unease.

                Even today I was signing into Temple-of-the-Jedi-Order (TOTJO) I decided that I wanted to have full-teachings and full-access to their resources, so, I decided to fill out the Jedi-Application Form and guess what? There was an Oath involved. Granted, in my application, I told them where I currently was on my path right now. I told them that I was a neutral aspect of The Force that had experience in Sithism and considered myself a Shadow-Jedi. I also told them that while all the above was true, I also mentioned in my application that I was of a chaotic-good nature and would oftentimes make decisions based off of what I thought was best in a situation.

                Sure…they may not always agree morally with the decisions I have made, but the Oath merely stated that I live the life worthy of a Jedi and make good decisions, and, by making the decisions that I think is right and justified, then I think that falls into those same lines of the Oath. But, I said that if it was necessary that I could take a revised Oath or something along those lines and/or that nature.

I just really want to get back on my Path…I know that my new job has be busier than ever, and my relationship will always come before religious progress and growth, but even still, I need a motivation, I want to be ambitious about this like I was so long ago (it was only a year, but it still feels like forever). I am thinking about going back to my old routine where I just do small exercises each day, and then end the day with a shower and a 30-minute meditation. If I can just gear myself up for the small things like this, then I believe that I can get back on track for obtaining Jedi-Knighthood and also progressing elsewhere as well.

Still…the thing about the Oaths just bothered me and really got me to thinking about how many times I have had to break an Oath because something came up, life happened, and I had to step over those lines that were spoken aloud so that I could get things done and take care of myself. Some Oaths I do not care about breaking…others cost me dearly. Still, this is something we should all think about when making that sort of verbal and/or written commitment. What are you really saying, signing, or typing? What do you really promise to abide by and what exceptions are there to whatever rule?

What are Oaths truly necessary? I was planning on writing more…but I have been losing a lot of sleep lately and it is catching up with me. There should be more posts tomorrow as I start exercise 3 at TOTJO and plan to do an assignment with TOTSO and IJRS as well.

Until next time…Chao~!!

This was originally posted as my blog today on TOTSO (Temple of the Sith Order)—


Never expect these blog entries to be profound. I am not trying so hard as to come off as the ultimate intellectual as I was when I was at Sith Academy. Because I have embraced my neutral tendencies (think of me as a Chaotic Good of sorts) I will mostly be speaking my mind, and whatever random thoughts those may be, well, you will just have to deal with it.

But today I decided to take a walk around the area…go down a bike trail, really clear my mind and take in a bit of fresh air for a change. That’s when I really started to reflect on some things that have come to my attention. As I was walking around, I was at a sense of ease, I felt comfortable with my surroundings even though I had never been down this path before. But, as I crossed the countryside and saw the tractors plowing the earth, I really started to think that it was really weird that all of this reminded me of home. If I had somehow gotten lost and ended up in Germany (even though this is impossible since there is a gigantic ocean separating this place from the United States), then I might still think that I was in some newly discovered city and not too far from home. This place (at first glance) does not really seem like anything spectacular or special…it does not seem foreign or even unique when you look at it from the landscape-country perspective. Just walking through and seeing the fields, this place is as normal and similar as any other place I have ever been.
The reason this really got me to thinking was because, when one travels to another country, what is it that they are expecting? Well, they are expecting something different of course! They are expected to be swept up into this exotic adventure of things that are different and new, that really blow their minds. But here I was, walking over a bridge, looking across an overpass and I might as well have been in Indianapolis again. Now…by now some of you will be grumbling because this seems to have nothing to do with The Force or anything we teach here. But as someone who is neutral aspect I say that you are wrong!

The Force is everything and nothing at the same time. It is what holds us to this earth but it is also what allows us to transcend what see as reality and really extend our senses to a higher self of being. So, the fact that one can look at this earth, this landscape and have this thought of the world being flat without boarders and obstacles, and still see such a place as similar and homey when it is indeed foreign and unfamiliar…I guess to me, it was juts a moment of truth that no matter where I stand, I am connected to all things, and nothing deters me or sets off the alarms of being different or foreign because through The Force, everything, to me, is balanced and the same. Note that I might not be making sense to anyone other than myself…but I only wish that, in that moment you could have felt what I was feeling, and then you would know how profound all of this is.


Lastly…as of late I have been able to see things that I have never been able to see before. I noticed that because my work place is so noisy and crowded that, when I finally get off of the clock I race to the train station and do my best to block out all the people around me. I do not see them, I do not hear them, I block out their very existence so that my mind can have some quiet and be at ease. Well, it was in this state of blocking everyone out that I had focused my attention on a sapling growing by the railroad tracks. I concentrated on it, really taking in its details. I’m not sure why it was so interesting to me…but what happened next came as a shock, and I’m still not sure what I really saw.

It was like a smokey-white ball of energy had centered in the trunk of the sappling, and there was also a thin barrier (it looked like clear string when it glints in sunlight) that encased the entirety of this baby tree.¬† The whole thing seemed to blur like when a highway gets too hot in the summer, only, rather than being all wavy like heat would have been, these lines where diagonal, jagged, and pulsated off of the sappling as if it was either sending off signals or sending out energy. Thinking this was odd and that my eyes had merely become unfocused, I blinked…but then I would just see it again. There were more plants in the area so I tried it on them, and I saw the saw the same things.

But…as the train came rolling up, then I lost the ability to block things out. Suddenly I could hear people chattering, phones ringing, there was too much sensory input and the images I were just seeing faded and I grunted in dismay before getting on the train. I am still lost as to what I saw and what it means. And even as someone that does not sit there and practice clearing the mind or even getting in touch with the energies of other things, I am wondering if I opened up some new ability for myself…something I was missing before?

I would really like someone’s input on this.