Archive for the ‘Ranting/Venting’ Category

I seriously did not think that they could get any lower than what they are. Look at what this world is coming to. So…this is what power is? showing off your weapon? Wearing masks and cheap costumes and promising something that you cannot even provide?

I placed this in the humor section of several Sith websites just because…this is so pathetic that it comes off as funny. Two people swearing that all shall fall before them when they don’t have…anything! They left the path of The Force, they lost their power when they let fall their mission, when they gave up their dream, and forgot what it meant to be endarkened. Even as someone who is not even Sith, I would say that my alignment with Bogan is darker than they could ever wish to be…because they are role-players…sad, little role-players, and they can no longer even be called Shadows of what they used to be.

Congratulations you two…Ravenus, you have gone mad, and you have taken down the brilliant mind of Imperius with you. You have killed your passion. I used to hate you…and now, I merely pity your souls.


One thing that drives me nuts, is the fact that people are constantly posting on The Jedi Church (Facebook) page, and asking about things that have to do with love. Usually they ask whether or not they should be in a relationship, but then you get people that ask: “I am Gay, is this okay?” or, “What do you guys think about Bi-Sexuals?”

Really? What is this? (insert random-ass screaming about this not being a Baptist Forum or something similar).

Alright…I get it, the movies say that Jedi cannot have relationships because it interferes with their duties, training, blah, blah, blah…it’s a stupid rule, and, even when I was playing Star-Wars-the-old-Republic (SWtoR) I got really upset when we had to out the other Jedi that had fallen in love. I told the truth, but only because I wanted my reputation to stay blue…any other time, and I would have lied.

Anyways…it gets on my nerves because the Jedi of his day, this time…the “real” Jedi that actually exist in this universe…is a LOT different from that of the movies. It is a mish-mash of different religions and religious practices, all scrambled together to create a disciplined faction of modern-day knights. Still…I finally just snapped when I saw ‘yet another’ person making a post about their sexuality and whether or not it was ‘okay’…

It’s already sad enough in this day and age when someone thinks they have to ask about their sexuality and how it might affect enlightenment. Either way, this is my response to someone who asked about being Bi-Sexual:

I feel as though sexuality does not matter, and does not affect someone spiritually. Here is the thing, I see stuff on here often about people questioning whether or not they should have relationships due to the Jedi-rules from the movies…and the thing is, yes, this religion and lifestyle is based on what the movies have, but it is also another entity in itself entirely, and above all else, it is a personal path that should only be defined by you.

If someone does not agree with your sexuality and says that it is a problem, then, they are forgetting one of the key elements of being a Jedi, and that is “love”. Not only that, but, they are forgetting another key element (one that is forgotten more often than one would think), and that is “understanding”.

Jedi is different across the board…Temples teach it differently from website to website (what it is, how it functions, even the code can be modified at times), so what it comes down to is this: Do you see yourself as Jedi? Do you follow your views as a Jedi? Are you constantly trying to better yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually because you are Jedi? Did you answer yes to all of those questions? Then congrats…you are Jedi.
Does your sexuality affect any of those things above? Does being Bi-sexual keep you from improving anything? Does it keep you from following your Path? Does love keep you from spiritual growth and advancement? If you answered no to those questions then there you go. You are still Jedi, and you are fine.


So yeah, nothing too huge…but God, these questions get me fuming. Lets just say, some of the responses that this question got were okay, but sometimes, people just make me mad. As stated, the Jedi-Path (and any Force Path for that matter) is completely personal. Obviously you have places like TotJO that add their little Christian-twist to everything…and then you have places like IJRS which are more open, more accepting, more understanding, and more diverse in their lessons and teaching, but that focus more on the ‘personal self’ than other places I have been to.

Not any one person can to YOU what is the right Jedi-way and what is the wrong Jedi-way…only YOU can define this Path for yourself…and people in the Jedi Church seem to forget this, and/or have never known it to be in the first place.

The other day I was reading through some unanswered messages on TotJO, and this person said to me: “I believe that the words Jedi and Sith are oftentimes misused.” to which he then went on to say that he wished people would better define the terms of those two words before they go about talking on them.

This question comes up a lot on different forums, in the different Temples and Institutes…and thus, there is always someone asking: “What is Jedi? What is Sith?”

I took some time to ponder this, when I finally came to this conclusion…


Defining Jedi and Sith is an impossibility:

I do agree with this person that the words of Jedi and Sith are often misused…but just as they are misused, so are they very much misunderstood. While we do have places here like TotJO and Order of the Sith which define the paths of Light and Darkness, so are there other Temples that claim similar titles (being Jedi and Sith), but, they approach this religion and lifestyle in a very different way.

IJRS (the main Temple I study at) teaches Jedi-Realism in a different light than TotJO, and Order of the Sith takes the Dark Side as a more individualistic path than Sith Academy did, because SA wanted their power to be uniform. So really, no matter where you go, there will be something about being Jedi or Sith that is different, and in the end, I don’t think there is any way to really define the two Force Users because one Jedi is never the same versus the other, and our paths are always personal.

*deep breath*

With that being said, still…there are those that say the two sides of The Force are a mere mockery of what they were in Fiction, that people have merely taken religions like Christianity and Santanism, giving them a different name and a slightly different look with a few new elements added in.
While I mostly agree that such paths as these two should be something personal and individualistic, I also see why they should be uniform and all follow under one code.

Recently there was someone that I met on the “Dark Side” of things whom said he had come here because anger and hatred was all he had left. TotJO was not giving him the tools he needed in order to become the person he believes he was destined to become…and thus, he had started to throw away Jedi-Realism altogether. While I am never one to turn someone away from the Dark Side, I let him know that TotJO was not a voice of all Jedi…and while they are a rather large temple in themselves…I have often found their lessons lacking, they train others not as individuals, but as one mass body—everything is impersonal and the same (this is merely my opinion).

That temple mixes teachings of Jedi-Realism with Christianity to create this Haven of serenity and good that seems as though it would accomplish little to nothing in the real world. I assured him there were places that were much more realistic, much more personal, and there were places that were positioned in the Light that would give him what he needed…thus I pointed him in the direction of IJRS.

But you see…if the Jedi-way were uniform as it is in Fiction, it would have that benefit of having the tools needed for all people who seek the way of Justice and the Light, right? But when looking at TotJO, in the way they handle their teachings as uniform…it would seem they too missed the point and purpose of what Jedi is. Sure, being uniform, it would cut down those more personal Paths and those that want to take an alternate direction of chaotic good/neutral (such as myself), but, would that really matter? Wouldn’t the Jedi be able to perform their true function as keepers of Harmony and Balance through one universal code and teaching? Do they not fear that such differences in the Path of Light might cause conflict between those who consider themselves wholly good?

Same thing can be said for the Sith. There are those that think the Dark Side follows one code, is meant to be uniform, and seriously believe in things like the rule of two. There are such places that do the opposite and tell the dark-siders to do as they wish, take what they want, and make what they want out of their lessons which they will then begin to apply to their real life.

While I myself believe in power in numbers, in the way of a brotherhood (such as military teaches it) and uniformity, I also believe in free thought and free will to do as one pleases. But, some would say that without a universal code, without a uniform rulebook in which to follow, the Dark Side and Light Sides are weak.

To tell someone in the Dark to take what they want and then leave…to just let them go without teaching the discipline, without instilling this sense of wanting to overcome the person above them and take command, what then is the Dark Side there for?

It is because of all these conflicts that people look on the Jedi and Sith as if they are jokes, this is reason why people cannot take us seriously because we are so spread out, so lacking in that uniformity and that discipline which is supposed to make us one force and one body.

It’s understandable why people come seeking out the Jedi and Sith (after finding out they exist) and then leave…it’s because they see the Fiction, they see those forces for what they think they should be, and then when they join, they see just how different we truly are from the thing they idolized and wanted to become. Mass confusion and an inability to find proper resources that agrees with the individual just because there is so much to look at and go through…*sigh*

I dunno where this rant was really going, but I find the discussion interesting all the same. So tell me then, what is Jedi and Sith to you? What is true good and evil if it not against that which is Light and that which is Dark? I look forward to the responses.

ravenus_200^^Darth Ravenus ^^

How many know this man? How many know where he stems from…what he accomplished, his dreams, goals, passion, and etc?

The funny thing is…this person used to have real ambitions and what I considered real power. He was a Darth at Sith of my first Masters, and he gave me insight into what he thought a true Sith should be.

Granted…I have done a lot of awakening lately into what the Dark Side is, what it includes, and what the real view of Sithism is. I am still trying to work out some of the kinks…but, the more I study, and the more I delve into the Dark Side again, the more I am happy that I left the SA because their views could not have been farther from the truth, and, once they abandoned that vision of Endarkenment…there was no hope left for them.

Anyways…Ravenus was always the stern type. He took no excuses for anything, and he would attack anyone that showed the slightest hint of emotion (as in things like sympathy or doubt)—he called these attacks “debates” and used them to strengthen his Members, make them defend themselves on their views even if they were in the wrong. For the Sith sticks to their view until their dying breath rather than admit defeat, right?

Ravenus was always telling me that I was too emotional…but I never lost my temper with him, I never took his attacks personally, never took the bait when it came to his debates—I merely stated my opinion and told him that if he did not like it, then he could basically go somewhere else and take someone else’s word for it. He found that quality fascinating in me.

This was a man whose words were always full of such wisdom, and, when he attacked someone, he did it in such a way that it was highly insulting, but still came off as respectful and very…intelligent. It was like even the biggest of lies came out as truth when he said them; he was a wizard of words as was I, and this was why our relationship was so strong.

But, it would seem that, just as Imperius failed us and trailed away from the wise and all-knowing Prophet that we all knew…so has Ravenus fallen and gone to a place where none may save him. Now rather than sound like the intelligent soul that he used to…he lashes out like an angry and hormonal teenager who just got grounded for the weekend and hates everyone. You can tell that everything out of his mouth is nothing but a steaming pile of shit, and no one believes a thing that he says.

His insults are like the trailer-park version of a poorly written rap battle. So, why do I bring this up now?
It’s because the sorry sap found me at “Order of the Sith”. I’m not sure whether someone else reported seeing me there, or whether he just joined the site to plant more Memes…but he was there, and he attacked me, lashed out at me with this pathetic jumble of words which had me laughing for the longest time.

Here is what I wrote as my introduction:

Well…you may call me Larken. That is a first.

I guess the best place to explain myself is to tell you where I have been and the things that I have learned. I came across the ways of the Force Users about 2 years ago. I spent some hard and dedicated time in Jedi-Realism where I was learning at IJRS (Institute of Jedi-Realism), taking their courses, and slowly figuring out that there was still something missing in my Path. I was also at TOTJO off-and-on, though I have never done any of their courses.

When I came to Sithism the first time, it was more or less as something of a spy. I thought that by looking into Sithism and learning how they did things I would be some “super hero” of the Jedi. But, my Masters merely laughed at me and said that the Dark Side was no threat to them, they just did not want people to head down that path as it was a selfish one. As I learned more about Sithism…I became somewhat ‘addicted’ to it. I was breezing through courses with a passion I had never discovered while doing things for IJRS…and I then accepted that maybe the Dark Side was where I had always been meant to be.

I started my Dark Side training at Sith Academy.
Some people may laugh and point fingers…but at one point in time, they did have a plan and were doing things in accordance to something that could even be called Divine. I believed in their mission and their instruction, and through them, I quickly excelled in the Dark Side— then through missions and such, I was quickly promoted several times until I reached the rank of ‘Lord’ among them (which is one step below Darth which is then the highest you can get on that site). I was an instructor in Religious studies and had Apprentices of my own. It was when Sith Academy took a very bad turn that I knew they had strayed from their Path, had changed directions, and would soon lead their old dreams into the dirt. I left.

I was not the only one who left…and those who were loyal to me and to the other Masters and Lords who had true passion and ambition made a new home (TOTSO). There I was High-Lady and part of the Council of Nine. The site was only open for a short period of time while we tried to build up the curriculum. Sad that it fell apart before it could become something…but it did. Now I have come here to continue my learnings in the Dark Side and perhaps even share what things I know with others.

I guess the last thing I would say about myself is that I never gave up on Jedi-Realism, and still learn through it today. Guess you would call me a “Grey Aspect” Force User…so a Shadow Jedi or Light Sith.

If there is anything in particular you want to know, feel free to ask. I look forward to what all this place has to offer and what I will come to learn in the future.

Darkness be with you.

This is what I wrote when someone asked me about Sith Academy:

Imperius originally had a plan towards Endarkenment…in showing people the reality of the world in which they were living. He wanted all to become one power, to become strong so that we might build a powerful Empire that could stand up to the Forces of the universe in which he felt would descend upon us soon. He believed that people wore a mask to hide, and he wanted to remove that mask…I believed in this, I agreed with this…and I came to Sithism to develop power so that I could not only defend myself, but protect those that I love and give them the skills to defend themselves too.

Some of their tactics could be a little harsh and out there…but most of the crazy stuff said on that site were not brought on by the 2 Darths themselves…but were brought up by the many different Acolytes running around.

A lot changed…Imperius went missing for awhile, and when he came back, he freaked out. He said that Sithism had become a cult (we already knew this because of how he let people run the place) and that he did not want this lifestyle to be that way. He said his vision of Darth Omega was a lie (which we knew)…but whereas we believed that he had believed the vision enough to make it a reality, in his post, he decided he was just going to throw away the whole concept which had started Sith Academy, and rebuild it from the bottom up. He was getting rid of our philosophy and our dream. Everything we had worked towards was being wiped. The Master’s Groups disappeared…Apprentices were taken from one Master and given to another. The website moved to a more cooperate-thing where it was all about big business and taking money from the higher-ups…and that’s not why I joined.

When they asked me to help with the Council, I knew I could not lead them because The Force…it IS my religion. I don’t care about CEO’s or taking over big names. I don’t care about stocks or investments…I believe in that spiritual-aspect of what I though Sithism was and could offer me in terms of self-betterment. So, they called me weak, but I left them a blog explaining my beliefs…I told them I hoped they turned things around, and I left.

Nowadays there are rumors that they deal in free sex, pedophlic-suggestions, and are selling some drug on the market called the “Kryat Dragon”. I was tempted to go back in order to investigate this…but I would rather not get involved lest someone crack down on them and then act like I am in the ring.
But truly was a place for advancement for one time.

It was true that they often gave people power that did not deserve it…
It is also true that they had so many different things mixed into it, that it was its own form of Sithism that would not really be recognized by others because it was practically a Sith Zoo to those not on the inside…bu it was my first Sith home where I earned everything I got.

This is what Ravenus wrote me:

The World is Mine!

Postby Ravenus » Sat Jan 25, 2014 2:00 pm

Get a counselor-LaRkEn!

I’m sure that there is a rather good one or two in Germany somewhere.

In my personal experience of living over there for several years, the best shrinks of the world are German and at times Austrian.

But keep this in mind, search out a Jungian psychiatrist or psychologist who can speak our language and pull out that Yahweh God meme out of your Gangster head!

And if you have a physical problem, then take a bullet train to Gay Paree!

In my experience of living in Moscow for several years and having to deal with numerous problems of armoring and strengthening my own body—the French physicians of that city and Paris were the only ones who were able to take my dying body and make it Immortal!

And for the record, I knew that you were a female when you first joined Sith Academy. You couldn’t fool me and my 3rd dead eye. Maybe you should take a break for a minute or two before you read the following truth. I told Lord Imperius to keep it quiet about what I felt about you and if we were lucky, then you could become his next new girlfriend.

That’s right, Imperius likes girls, and they have to be Straight.

Straight to bed!

The same goes for you Mortose and how I knew that you were a female from the very beginning. How Pathetic! U Sith Cats are only good for one thing, and that is to land on your feet, no matter how I throw or toss you about. Get up and out of your chair Mortose, and hear this warning straight from my mouth. And don’t take it the wrong way this time around. We all know that you have a checkered history at SA of getting your feelings hurt every now and then. But you are, let’s say for the time being, an 85percent dark beast and I’ll give you the respect for it. The 100 percent beast or rather monster lives in Prague and he belongs to me. So hands off! A final piece of advice and rather polite warning to you and your slaves: Keep up or get Lost!

Oh Fuck it! Let’s TMI this Sith Joint with a few other details from the SA Bunker.

Imperius and I are getting into the motion picture business, that only the Big Boys of this world can dream about. In about 7 hrs. from now, we are going to mingle with some rich Jews straight out of Hollywood. They and others have taken an interest in us and our desire to write up and maybe produce the next Billion Dollar ‘Star Wars’ movie. Quite frankly, Imperius & myself plan to wake up this fucking planet!

But know this little-monster in the making and prepare yourself to hear it: Ravenus & Imperius will be living in San Francisco on the top of Nob Hill in less than 5 years. I predict here and now!

And you LaRkEn, the Sith of the world and perhaps some of that Jedi trash, who may be biting at our heels, may wonder why Imperius and myself are moving to San Francisco.

READ & MEMORIZE: Because that’s where all Rich Gay Men go to Die!

Note: Don’t expect me to respond to you anytime soon in this place or anywhere else on the Big Brother and Slum Internet of all modern times! As far as I’m concerned, and can’t really speak for Imperius right now, you need to learn “Patience.” Something that you and the few ‘Sith Dog Pounds’ of the world do not and will never have.

And get a Bitch, maybe a Dyke on a Bike!

FYI: The nice ones around here are the first ones to get picked off!



Quote: Be careful working with others, they may take you down with them~R

…and lastly, my response to his nonsense:

Well that made no sense whatsoever…and honestly, it show how low you have really fallen.
The Ravenus that I knew spoke with wisdom and insight…his insults were filled with power and did not even have to be direct insults because they were laced with the truths that hurt. All I get from you now is an old man with the mind of an angry teenager spewing whatever word comes to mind first…and it’s sad, because somewhere deep down, I might have still had a shred of respect for you.

Again though…you have taken to lies. If you knew I was a woman all along (which there was no way that you could have), then you would not have been so surprised when I revealed it to you. Also, the SA is not a dating site. If Imperius wanted himself a girlfriend so bad, he could have left his bedroom and gone and found one.
What part of Hollywood and Money is SITH? This is not the vision we had of Endarkenment…this is not the vision we had of empowerment. This is just about greed…and obviously for you, it is about sex or something? I have no idea because you are babblling, and listen to your typing in my head was an absolutely horrendous experience.

You sit there and act like my feelings were hurt all the time…but you know that is not true. I was promoted because you were constantly trying to hurt my feelings, trying to insult me, and I never gave in…and it impressed you, thus why you gave Venger and I so many responsibilities and wanted us to help lead SA to our goal, our dream, and our moment of glory.
I have patience…which is the only reason I stayed with SA as long as I did. I have patience because rather than to think all SITH were like the creatures at SA, I decided to reach out and truly determine what Sithism is because SA does not have a single idea about this lifestyle and religion which is The Force.

Can SA be considered Paganism?
…sure. A cult? Definitely—but Sith? No…

Go play the spoiled brat elsewhere Ravenus…and stop trying to pin people on things that are untrue just because you have lost your sense of self AND your Path.


So…who really needs the counselor here?


…so a Jedi Knight posted this article on Facebook and was so excited that the Jedi had been mentioned. The article may take Jedi in a more joking fashion, but it is a very interesting read and I really enjoyed the 3 pages on discussion over religions made from books and movies:

Lately I feel as though I have again hit a stand-still. Jedi-Realism is just something that I come to every once in awhile when I feel as though I have nowhere else to run, no place left to turn…and it’s sad because this is not where I imagined that I would be.

I came to Jedi-Realism through sheer boredom, and in fact, most people actually do. I relate to the Veteran in the article as I had gone through being Catholic, then Baptist, then Wiccan when I had finally just given up on religion altogether. I felt like there was nothing out there that fit my lifestyle, my personal beliefs, anything. I felt like every other religion that I tried was too restricting…I had been researching religions for so long, and finally, one day, a lesson from theology came back to me— and as I was looking through the movies on my shelf and saw the Star Wars trilogy on VHS I wondered.”Are there really Jedi?”

First thing I did after that was I ran to my laptop, cracked it open, and googled as much information as I could on people who considered themselves real-life Jedi. That’s where I found the Jedi Church (
This website was more of an information board than anything, but it kinda pointed me in the right direction for where I thought I wanted to go. It gave me the basics of what it meant to be a Jedi, what all could be achieved from this type of lifestyle, and, by the time that I was finished reading I was so inspired that I had donated $20 to the church, had run off to Facebook to see if there was a group (there was), and that’s where this long journey began…

The Facebook Group was really something special to me (at first). It was a place to discuss the mysteries of the universe, really speak with intellectuals on deeper issues, and I felt like I fit right in. But, there was still something nagging at me. The group itself seemed to lack..’teaching’. It’s as if you joined the page, was automatically a Jedi and there was nothing more you could do to advance yourself in the spiritual society. Later on, I started asking for someone to mentor me, to be my Master. I talked with a few people…and then ultimately I always came up empty-handed because all the Masters willing to take on an Apprentice wanted to work with their pupil in person, and for me, they were so far away that this was never an option.
I then started asking about group websites where I could learn under someone or find courses on being a Jedi. I wanted to ascend to Knighthood, I wanted to be a Knight, to be enlightened, to share my wisdom with others looking for the Path. That’s where Jax came in.

I believe it started as a discussion on mere jewelry, the fact that Master Jax made meditation beads and such. But eventually I was led to the Institute for Jedi-Realist Studies ( and oftentimes shortened to IJRS) where new oportunities now opened for me. Here I had courses I could take to advance myself spiritually, here I finally had the resources that I needed and that I wanted. I had a way to achieve my goal…but I shied away from it.
Mostly it was because I was battling with many things at the time. My partner was going into the Army and I did not have the extra time to be spending on these courses when I had such a limited time left with her. Instead, when my partner finally left for Basic and such, I finally took that first step, did the Introductory Course…and plunged myself into that world of being Jedi.

Long story short…I have not completed a course. Every time I try and sit down to make it happen, something always pulls me away. It’s like I’m always making an excuse as to why I cannot complete the things that are asked of me. Others did an assignment every night, or one every week. I know that the instructors said keeping a schedule was key…but my life never runs on a schedule. I never go to bed at the same time. I have 2 weeks where I work early shift and 2 weeks where I am working evenings. I have days where I have errands, and then days where I just want to relax and watch funny videos on YouTube.
I changed countries, and the last thing i feel like doing is going out and trying to help in a  community where I do not even speak their own language.

I find challenges and obstacles everywhere on this path…and I feel as though no one has had this much trouble on this path but me. Not only do I find excuses, but there was a time when I was just so fed up with things I did not agree with that I decided to research a DarkSide to what I had been learning, thinking maybe that was the solution to my problem. I decided to become Sith.

At first I did not want to become Sith so much as I was looking into the Sith Academy to see if they were any real threat to the world or the Jedi…but then I got interested…and I wanted to learn more.

Through the Sith Academy I gained recognition fast. The fact that I had posed as a male to join and had pulled it off until a certain “Skype meeting” for minions instantly made me the pet of one the Sith Lords named Ravenus.
I was a spy (in a weird sense), I planted memes and propaganda for him, I advanced in ranks quickly. I joined their cyber Army, then was promoted to a Master. Then as I started showing my knowledge in all the different Religions I had studied, teaching others of their ‘enemies’, and putting off insults from other Masters as mere childs-play (and also completing missions for Ravenus), in no time at all I had even advanced to Sith Lord.
I even ran the site for awhile and was to be promoted to Prophet…but that’s when things fell apart.

I joined SA and stayed with them because I believed in their vision. I believed in a vision of a world that would never know peace, and thus, its people had to look deep inside themselves and awaken the strength and passion to defend what was theirs. I wanted people to be able to fight for themselves to save themselves against any menace that would try and take their treasures from them…things like land, things like loved…anything really. This was what the Sith believed at the time, this was how I took their message. I took their message as the world was weak and we need to learn to defend ourselves. We need to condition the people of this world to be warriors and to fight. I agreed with this and this alone…but all of that was just some weird joke to them.

The main Prophet and ruler of the Site…the man responsible for the Omega Vision and the vision of Endarkenment named Imperius…he had been gone for so long, and with his return came the brutal truth. “There is no Omega. It was a lie.”
In a sense, I knew that the vision could have not been true. It was too odd and too otherworldly for me to truly believe…BUT, I had thought that Imperius believed it enough that he would get results, he would make things happen and put together something grand.

As some other people did (people I actually respected), I put my thoughts out there about how I did not like this recent development in the ways of the Sith that were studying at Sith Academy. I also skyped with Ravenus about these concerns, and, he assured me that he would take control of Sith Academy and that all would be well. As one of the most spiritual at SA, I believed him…but things turned for the worst.

SA became nothing more than a con…a business model of people being trained in business to gather partners for massive amounts of money and donations to the idea that Edarkenment was coming and the Sith were the only ones who would survive. Suddenly the whole site became about weapons development and space exploration to take control of other planets and use them as bases and blah, blah, blah. Suddenly it really was all about command and conquer and not about what we had originally been teaching. With 2 apprentices under my wing and a site that was falling to ruins because anymore it was nothing other than a scam…I wrote one final blog post, gave up my title as a Sith Lord, and left.

I would later join TotSO as a “Dark Lady”…but that site would too fall and so I was left in the dark again, not knowing where to go. So…with my newfound beliefs in what lay in the dark and then my holding beliefs of what I agreed with about the light, I decided that my specific being was somewhere in the middle of the two, I was part of a different breed, a different balance…and I claimed myself Shadow Jedi.
Most people took this title with a cringe…but we each have our own path, and I seriously think that this is where I am meant to be.

Still…working now on courses in TotJO and IJRS, there are times that I feel like a Jedi failure. While the Religion and Lifestyle itself is what you make of it….while it gives you freedom of choice to explore the faith as you will and make of it whatever you want…still, I feel like my path has grown thin as I pass over a pit, and that I am slowly losing my balance.
I am in need of guidance. Where do I go from here?

Hitler? A SITH Lord?

Posted: September 3, 2013 in Ranting/Venting, SITH-Related

I’m having a Nazi problem

When I first started looking into Sithism, I felt like the whole thing was more or less misunderstood.
Where people would tend to think of it like something of a psychotic zoo…myself, I thought that maybe people were merely making assumptions based off of the fact that the Sith were the bad-guys in the movies.

Either way…when I first started out in Sithism, I felt like like the Light and Dark were played out like this. The Jedi were the optimists…the ones focused on World news, the ones who rallied others with their words of peace and drew people in through philosophical discussions. They always saw the glass as half full, and half the time, seemed as though they lived in some sort of world all their own. They were aware but were not grounded.

Then there were the Sith whom I thought to be the realists. I took their desire for power as a cry for help. They saw what people were truly capable of, they see the monsters hidden under the flesh of mankind. I figured that their desire to have power and control (in the end) was merely for self defense and to protect what was theirs and the ones that they loved (such as friends and family). Sure you had the occasional bad apple (like Ravenus and his constant preaching about taking back male dominance and etc etc), but, I guess it wasn’t until I became a Master at SA and was slowly working my way up to Lord status that I truly started to see the madness that everyone like to poke fun at (within other Force Temples).

…Anyways…I was randomly thinking back to the Sith Academy today when I remembered the section dedicated to honorary ‘Sith Lords’. In there were some really amazing men (like Bruce Lee and etc) but then, you had the others which were somewhat questionable. One such ‘honored Lord’ was Adolf Hitler.

I recently took a trip to the Dachau Concentration Camp outside of Munich. For an empath such as myself, the trip was anything but grand. All the sad and scared emotions floating around the place made me feel nothing more than exhausted and ill. Not that I expected any less…but either way, I was still struck so hard with the fact that one man could cause this with mere words…with propaganda…could start mass genocide in order to fulfill some sort of duty, to achieve the goal of his higher calling.

If we are talking in “Star Wars” movie-terms then Adolf Hitler would be a great Sith Lord (indeed). A veteran of the first world war, a survivor, a crazed man with a deep sense of hatred, longing for power to bring about a new world order. But, in terms of new age Sithism ad Sith-Realism…what does he really amount to? Sith are about boasting their true power, in making others fear them with their real accomplishments and demonstrations of power. Hitler may have caused a movement that nearly killed out entire classes of people, but in the end, it was not him alone in this, it was not his hand that choked the life out of every victim. It was the works of those under him, brainwashed by his ideals.

But…he did have people join him. That did show power in manipulation. He held convincing arguments, and, in Sith teachings they would rather a Sith pretend to know something and fight it tooth and nail rather than lose in an argument against someone inferior. His reign spread fear wide enough to have all sorts of Nations swoop in to take him out and stop his Dark Army…AND, on top of that, every person who lay there suffering, dying of disease, and worked to the bones in the Concentration camps were not only scared…but they lost the most important things to them which was HOPE.

So really…it’s all up for debate on whether or not someone could call him worthy of being a Sith Lord and why they would even want him to be a model in the first place. Last time I checked, Sith do not KILL people!!! We are not into the Dark Side of the Force to slaughter others…we are merely in it to gain power, to gain control over parts of ourselves that run rampant, and ultimately to make a name for ourselves and to live a life of glory. Most Sith are not psychotic, they are not violent…we merely see the world in a different way than others and could be compared to the nocturnal Wiccans and goths of the Force-age (in some ways but not all).
We percieve all of life as an obstacle to overcome, and that through passion and power we will gain enlightenment.

But Hitler…He was a liar…a fake. He lied in his own auto-biography…paid off his friends to lie in their own testimonies, committed suicide rather than surrender himself over the more powerful forces marking him as nothing more than a coward who held control over nothing. He started  a fire that in the end went out of his control and he was left powerless and through his own fears decided to give up.  I guess for the Sith Academy who thrive on lies, glory through wealth and pure status that someone like Adolf Hitler would make a perfect candidate for their teachings and philosophy. But, for the true dark-siders…not so much. Not in my eyes at least.

I already don’t agree with what he did in the past (those who do think his ideals are great are nothing short of psychopaths themselves in my eyes), and, aside from the fact that he was a master manipulator and a wizard with words, he holds no quality of any Sith Lord in this newer age of Dark-Force-Power.

…with that statement aside, the reason I bring this up is because I have been having a terrible time here recently. In Germany there is a lot of negativity in the air. Over the weekend, soldiers stationed in Germany were told to avoid both Nuremberg and Stuttgart during their four-day-holiday-weekend because of Anti-American protests going on in the city.
While we passed only through Nuremberg to catch a connecting train, thinking we would be safe in my city of Augsburg, my girlfriend and I got a surprise when we saw the “Gegen Nazis” protesting through the small strip mall that lies merely 15 minutes (or less) from my flat.

Today a group of Nazis ran past me as I walked home from work, holding signs and protests banners that were too smeared to read, and Police were wearing bullet-proof vests and standing behind barricades as I walk home…out in the open, still not fully knowing what was going on. They had a house surrounded and everything, all blue lights were flashing, and the Polizei were just waiting for a reason to run in and arrest someone. It’s a scary thing.

It is all the more reason why I am so torn between the two teachings (of Jedi and Sith). Because, while I would like to believe in something like “true peace”, I know that it is merely a false hope…something unachievable like the concept of perfection. Even if there is a brief period of quiet in this world, it is only to be short lived. Evil forces will always be brewing in the darkness, always rise up to challenge our way of living, our beliefs, and their unrest and ungratefulness for the things they already have will cause them to seek the fortune of others, blood will be shed, and war will break out through conflict. This path is human nature, and it is inevitable. Still…since I am currently reading on Hitler and all this Nazi-nonsense has been popping up, I figured that I would just share my thoughts.

I’m sure that this was going to go somewhere else and be a longer post…but it is late, and my brain just does not want to function at the moment.

I think one of the things that tends to scare me most is the fact that I have no idea where I am going in life. A part of me knows where I want to be in the end (financially stable with a house and enough money in order to raise a child), but it’s just the matter of getting there.

I went to College for about 2 years, switching between 2 different double majors (Psychology/Human Services , Music Therapy/Human Services), but really, in the end, I had only picked these professions because my parents said the money would be good, I could do private practice and then get rid of my school loans. But, these choices in majors and these paths just did not feel right…they did not make me happy.
So, I ended up abandoning College to try and take some time to figure myself out. I went back to College for a short time to try and get my General Education, but stopped that due to my move from Terre Haute to Indianapolis. Once in Indianapolis I took another class for Human Services (paying out of pocket) which was just a waste of time and a waste of money because, again, this was not something that was making me happy.

Now at the age of 22 and $12,000 dollars of debt later, I am starting to get really anxious about my future. I know that I need to do something with my life, that I need a direction, but, I’m just not sure what direction that I want to go in.

I know that when it comes to school that my passion is in Radio. Radio was something I grew up with, it’s something that I love to do, and I feel like with enough work, I could be a really talented entertainer like my Father.
But, my Father always discouraged me from following in his footsteps because Radio does not make a lot of money. But, I feel like money is not an issue as long as passion is involved, as long as you are happy with the work you are doing. Besides…with a partner by my side in a  strong committed relationship, hopefully I would not have to bring in loads of money because I would have someone to split the bills, and we could budget our earnings equally.

I was also thinking about doing a second major (or even minor) in Journalism. This would be great really because, I love to write. What I would really like to do is write columns for things that I enjoy—such as doing gaming magazines, articles on Airsoft, or even doing columns on alternative religions and left-handed spirituality—things that interest me, things I can be passionate about and not hold back on.

Alright…so I’m thinking that I have school figured out. But what about after that? How am I going to get back to school? where am I going to live? how am I going to earn money to continue paying off my loans while I go back to school? what about the loans I will accumulate as I go back to school? How long will those take to pay off? How will I manage that if I want a house and kids?
I know people in their 50’s and 60’s still paying off school loans. But really, that’s not how I want to be. I know that going to school for free is basically out of the question, and while grant money is available, it never is much. I could work at Amazon part-time while I go to school, but doing that, I would only be able to go to school part-time and it would take me longer to get my degree that way. Also, working would hinder my studying methinks…I’m not the type that can function under physical exhaustion, and working at Amazon (let alone any warehouse) is anything but a piece of cake :/

…I mean, I could move back in with my Mother for a time, got to ISU, get my Dad’s allumni grant/scholarship, and begin my degree in radio and journalism. But even then I would need some sort of money for gas, to help with food, to help my Mom with bills, and for things like a phone, car insurance, and then to keep paying off my loans.
That would place me at SonyDADC (warehouse where I got fired because thy messed up my clock-in-times) where hours are not guaranteed and you barely work a solid 20 hours per 3 days.

….then I have my other options.


As I have mentioned before, I am all about glory and honor. I always felt as though I had so much more to offer the world if only I was given the opportunity. I have often mentioned how I envy Taz (my partner) as a Soldier, because, she is doing something that I was never able to accomplish. I was going to join the military and then made up a bunch of excuses of why I could not go.
Granted…a know a part of it was my family looking down on my decision to join, and I know part of it did have to do with depression (my ex-fiance leaving me and me being a typical high-schooler and thinking it was the end of the world and that I might die from heartbreak)…but even then, I know that a majority of it was just a handful of excuses. I did not want to do the exercise to go // I wasn’t losing the weight as quickly as I wanted // I felt alone in the journey to better myself physically and mentally // I was worried about failure // the thought of being away from my comfort zone (being my Mom’s house and my room in general) at that time scared me…and lastly, I felt like I did not have the resources to do this thing, to go military, being out in the boonies with no car or anything, I felt like I was not going to be prepared enough to go and do what I had to do.

Then I met Taz, and she was going AirForce…and I hated it because she was doing those things that I had refused to do. She was doing the exercises, losing the weight…she was accomplishing something. When she quit the AirForce, I felt better because she too had dropped out of it because she felt like she had found something that offered her more (I felt that College could offer me more than the military…and my college of choice ended up being a joke really). I felt better…much better.
But then, she went Army. She went Active Duty, she completed BMT and AIT…sure she hates the military and all its bullshit, but she gets to wear the uniform, she really accomplished something, and whether or not she sees it, I do. I know how much of an honor it must be to be a soldier. To have people constantly thanking you for your service, even if you do the smallest of tasks.

you have a system that keeps you on track of life, keeps you fit physically and mentally. You have something always there to help you and support you…you have a bond, a brotherhood, and such a close friendship with those who completed the same trials as you…its absurd. And I envy it.
I went to an all-girls college for the sisterhood…and I was the odd one out. I joined groups in school for that bond and brotherhood…and I was the odd one out. But in the military it’s different. Doesnt matter who you are…your company is your family, your battle-buddies are a  reflection of yourself and they always come first.

Wow…this has turned into a rant about jealousy. lol.

What I’m getting to is…
One of my friends bought up being in the National Guard. Cut-off age for the Guard is 35 and with me being back in the States within 2-3 years, he basically said this would be the perfect opportunity to get into shape, lose the weight, and do what I never got to do before.
Then I could lose my jealousy, then I would have a job while I went to school. Then my loan problems would not be as big of a deal because of the GI Bill and other such things. So it really has me thinking…what should I do?

Already I find myself making excuses over this because the firs thing I thought of when he mentioned the Guard…the first thing I thought of was how it was going to affect my relationship. Say that Taz and I are together again for the time being, but we are not married…while her and I may have made it through her BMT and AIT, it was not without struggles.
Plus, with a lot of bad influences (meaning friends of hers that I consider sleezy liars and I hate them) living so close to her while I’m gone, well, I’m not really painting a really pretty picture in my head, you know? Same with AIT. Sure there will be more connection (being able to use phones and the computer), but it would still be complicated, especially if she chose not to come and visit me.

Still…the feeling of accomplishment, to be a part of something important, to better myself physically and mentally, to serve my country, to help myself with my education, to be able to stay home and get paid for training without the constant struggle of trying to do school and warehouse work…to finally be proud of myself and be able to lose the regret. Is that better than love? Should that stand over love?
Love is my true weakness if anything…that and low self-esteem. But seriously…am I giving up a good thing because I fear losing love and fear losing Taz? Should it not matter to lose her if it means I can still have a rich future and a better life?

Naturally I still feel failure if I try this thing. I’m scared of heights, can’t do a pull-up (never have been able to) // I don’t know how to climb a rope (which is terrible too)—I might get deployed even as someone in the Guard (which again would relate to distance and stress). But I need an unbiased opinion on this one: I am interested in the Guard. I am interested in going military if I can get as physically fit as I want to be.
But…I also love Taz. Granted, if we do not get back together then there should be nothing holding me back from doing this thing, but, if we do get back together and maybe get married, then what? Would YOU personally (if you were in my shoes) go for the dream and not worry about the love // would you choose having the better future over the cloudy one full of loans and complications? Or would you choose loving someone and not risking losing them?

My last option (of course) is Police Academy.
This is something I have also been interested in, and I was training really hard for it before Taz mentioned that she was moving to Germany. On a treadmill I was able to run a little over a mile and half (I know treadmills are different from actual running, but you have to know that this was a huge accomplishment for me), and I was doing push-ups every day and got up to a good 15 before I left for Germany (now I’m lucky if I can do 5).

Police Academy would also offer the accomplishment, I would get to stay home, I would get education benefits later, I would get a job on the Police Force, but I would always be away from home because being part of the Police is a very demanding job (my Uncle is part of the Force, so I know).

So yeah….ADVICE PLEASE!!!!!!