Brushing the Dark

Posted: March 27, 2014 in Meditation


Brushing the Dark: A Meditation
Lord Larken

What is Light and what is Darkness?

These are typical questions posed by Force Users, and they ask this because they want to know where you stand on the spectrum, how you fit with their ideologies. They want to mold you, and, in order to do this, they need to know who and what you are, and your beliefs in these two things so that they can shape you into something new.
…but here’s the thing: do they even know what the Light and Darkness is?
You see, today I was thrust into a tunnel of darkness. Having sunk to the bottom of a cold pond and gotten stuck in the black mud which was the bottom, I found myself pulled into this foreboding tunnel. Instantly I felt the hairs on my arms raise. I knew that physically, I was not really in this place…but, I was still feeling fear. I was truly afraid.
Unlike most tunnels in which you know has an ending…this one kept going. It was straight, and yet, there was no light at the end of it, no change in shape which would hint that there was ever an opening. It was cold…so cold. Cold enough that it did not even make me shiver as much as it made me grind my teeth because I was feeling pain.
Yes, it was a pain like needles being stuck into the joints in my fingers, being jabbed straight into my knuckles, and even though I wanted to turn back, I couldn’t. I could not even try.
While at first it felt as though I was moving forward on my own accord, I was slowly starting to realize that this was not the case. Something was dragging me, pulling me along as if my clothes had hooks through them and I was on a conveyor line, like beef to the slaughter. But even though I was afraid, my heart was not pounding in my chest. I was still breathing slowly…my own energy had gone silent, and my heart was beating (from what it seemed) barely at all. Either way…the further I went down this line, my feet continued to move, but movement itself became harder. Suddenly it was like my own feet were stuck in something like thick mud or molasses.

The force kept pulling me forward, and something was trying to slow this journey or possibly stop it… but, whatever held me was much too strong.
The tunnel had no definition at first. Maybe it was old, maybe it was rusty…I would not have been able to say. But, between the blasts of cold, the gripping fear, and the painful spikes to the knuckles, I finally reached out with my hands. I was trying to grab something, anything! I needed to see, needed to feel something other than this tugging which was dragging me down this endless path…and then I felt it. Something cold and something smooth like steel…though it had no color. Nothing in this place had color. Not even me…I had no color. Because I could see nothing…I…saw…nothing. But I felt everything.
Stranger still was this feeling which reminded me of steel. Because, while smooth at first, it back to pull apart. To move and spin, and it took awhile, as my fingers bounced over it (through my gliding motion because ,y feet had stopped moving I suppose). I was feeling not one tunnel…but multiple tunnels. Tunnels that hummed and thrummed with an energy that was passing through it. Finally I was hearing noises, and I could hear how they wound and shot off in many different directions. These energies were on a set path…but they were wound like the roots of a tree. They had to be. To which I then assumed that these things were essences. Different parts of one thing…that one thing being the source, being the person I was meditating with and reaching out to.
After this, it seemed like I finally came to a halt…came to a complete stop. I was stuck. While all these different tubes could be heard running off in different directions, there was no direct way to the source. To that place where I needed to be. So, how was I going to get there?
I was told many different ways of doing this…this was my meditation, my vision and thus I could do what I pleased. I could just ‘be’ there at the source if I so chose. But, all my attempts left me stuck. I would either float or I would fall…my conscious applying too many things to an experience that was supposed to be so…open and uninhibited.
I could not tell you what I did…I still do not even know myself. I pretended as if the tubes were mere vines that I could push away. Like it was a curtain of beads to a doorway. Whatever it was, it worked…but where I found myself was scarier still than the journey.
I was in a room…a room of color. But, it could not really be a color because I cannot name what color it truly was. It is nothing that is on the spectrum of the things we know, it wasn’t black, and it wasn’t white, and you could not see corners, nor ceilings or a floor. Where I stood…I just ‘was’. I was just ‘there’. Not floating, not falling, not even standing or sitting. I was ‘being’.
There were no shapes here…no sounds, nothing that I could even truly pick up. And yet, there had to be noises because something was so piercing in my mind that my head began to throb. Something was so powerful that my chest began to ache as if someone was giving me several severe jabs to the ribs with a blunt object. There had to be something here because I was feeling something…feeling everything…but in this space of nothingness.

It was here…in this moment, that I realized something:
My abilities, my beliefs, and my philosophies have always been in terms of The Force…as a religion and as a lifestyle. My views on the world has always come from these beliefs and how they function, how they define themselves, and etc. But, in defining the Light and Dark in terms of a religion, and in defining Light and Darkness in terms of something that does not even encompass all of life and living…I have now figured out that I, like so many other, have never seen true Light nor Darkness and cannot even begin to understand them or truly know what they mean.
It’s weird…but this knowledge does not insult me. It enlightens me. It excites me to know that there are universe out there still to explore. New paths to look at, new things to meditate upon, new powers to acquire. This knowledge has not hindered my ability to learn, it has not pushed me back, but, it has given me a shove forward.
Still…now having had a taste of what Darkness is…I now know what people are saying when they take to me as someone of the Light. Because, having had this taste of Darkness, I know that this is not where I meant to be. It is not something I want to embrace, to try and become a part of. So yes…in terms of The Force, I am still Grey. But, in terms of life…I am Light.
Selfishness, Greed…these are not things in the Darkness. This alone does not make you dark. Hunger and Passion alone does not make you Dark because the Dark has no need of any of this. The darkness in itself is everything and nothing, and it cares not for petty human nature or traits.
I look forward to looking into this more on a much deeper level.

  1. butchjax says:

    Well done! Excellent awareness. I’m proud of you for being willing to experience this. Many never figure this out because they are unwilling to truly challenge their beliefs. 😀 Now you get it. You may not be able to explain it still, but you get it. And that will guide you along the way. I can’t really define things either, but I know and get a lot of it beyond words.

    • element02 says:

      I am always looking for knowledge, and I welcome the challenges to whatever beliefs I have as long as it promotes becoming more knowledgeable.
      I am not all-knowing and I will never claim to be. All I look for in this life is evidence of something else so that I may become ever close to The Force in the way I believe it should be met and experienced.
      But yes…much of it is something merely felt and totally beyond words. I am glad that I see more clearly now.

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