P101-L12

Posted: January 12, 2014 in IJRS Courses

Amelia Long

Personal 101

Lesson 12 — Telling your Story

Homework:

For your final assignment, you are going to tell your story.

But, instead of telling it as you did earlier, challenge yourself to tell a story that supports the change and growth you want to see. Let it inspire you, the Jedi student learning to walk the path before them. You can take more time with this assignment, but try to complete it within two weeks. You will not have completed the class until I receive this assignment.

After reading my first story, I am almost at a loss of what to say. While the first ‘telling of my story’ semi-described me, it was mostly looking at my past, showing the things I have overcome and the things that I still want to overcome. I noticed that the questions asked were “Who are you physically, mentally, and spiritually’…so I think it would be best to go with that format.
Obviously, from the last assignment, we know that I am not my past…I look at the past lovingly because it was all based on learning experiences and obstacles that I overcame, but it does not hold a hindrance on me, it does not bind me, and it will never define me as long as I continue to grow and to change.

So who am I?

Physically I am still working to attain my fitness goals. Germany has made me a lot more active in the fact that I have to walk everywhere. I have to walk to get to work, I have to walk to get groceries. I have no car, no bike, and therefore I walk…over 10 hours of my day (if I work) is spent walking. While I still have a lack of motivation, there are days where I sit and work on driving myself, really making myself work out or do something because I want to look nice, I want to feel nice. I know that I have gained a lot of weight since coming to Germany, and this is something I am looking to change. Already  I have started changing my diet, looking into exercises I can do in my own home…it’s a start. Last year I also started doing some Yoga on certain weekends. I am just trying out things right now, still working on discovery what works best with me, with my schedule, and etc. But, I have decided that when I go back to the States, I will pick up Airsoft again on a more serious basis and I even want to pick up more Yoga and possibly archery.

Mentally…mentally I have changed so much. I am not the person I was over a year ago when I started making these posts. I remember that I came to this institute unsure of what I was getting myself into. I know that I was really pumped to find a path that worked for me, and I made t sound like this path was going to stick with me…but, in my head I thought it was going to be just like Wicca and that I would eventually leave this place and never come back. Back then, I was not strong mentally. One little thing could dissuade me from doing something important. I would make any excuse NOT to do something just because there were other things that were holding my interest at the time. But, mentally I have become stronger. Yes, I decided to delve into the Dark Side and learn under the Sith for awhile. At first I joined just because I was curious and was going to spy for the Jedi…but then, I started to become interested in what they were teaching. I realized that they (the Sith) were not really villains…they were just selfish. They wanted self-empowerment, self-mastery over every aspect of themselves. It’s what I had wanted from the beginning. Sure, their methods were more harsh and they were less understanding of emotions…but I rose in the ranks rather quickly with them, and it seemed I excelled at many things. Whereas one year ago I had no idea what The Force really was and was just starting to delve into meditations, Yoga, and trying to focus what little power I had…today I have knowledge in both the Light and Dark Sides of The Force. I have done several meditations and the results get greater with each try. I still struggle with getting my thoughts together and focusing at times, but that is something I am working on…

I also started chanting mantra, strengthening my memory, strengthening my mind, it gives me power physically and mentally, and thus I believe that, in this area I have excelled above others though I still have a long way to go. I want to continue to learn under Jedi and expand my knowledge of The Force and its workings. I still plan to learn enough and earn enough that I can achieve Knighthood here.

Spiritually…well, it’s somewhat the same as what I was saying mentally. Last year I came in here with the goal of achieving Knighthood in less than 2 years. I looked at the courses, figured that it would be easy, and for awhile, I was on my way to greatness. I was just starting to connect with The Force…and while it still seemed like a foreign (and slightly scary) entity to me that I did not fully understand, I knew that, if I stuck to this Path, in the end I would be in tune with the Universe as well as I am in tune with my own body. We all know how this ended up…I started lacking the motivation to continue on this Path because I felt like there was something missing. Same with what had happened when I attempted Wicca…there was something missing, and I did not agree with all the ideals that were given to me. In the end, I ran off to the Dark Side to learn under them…as their beliefs more closely matched my own. But, with their teachings alone, there was still that hole in my chest, still that crater in my Path, and that’s when I decided to create my own truth. Mixing my teachings from the Light and Dark Sides of The Force, I decided to call myself a Shadow Jedi or Light Sith…the Grey Aspect of The Force and the balance between the two sides. I considered this Path more realistic for me, and it just seemed to make sense. I was aligned to no one Temple and no one Master or etc. I was just ‘me’…and that’s what I had been striving for all along. A sense of completeness and something that made me feel whole.

I’m not saying that just because I found something that made me feel whole that I am done growing…that I am done learning or exploring my options, because that is in no way true. Same as we continue to learn something new every day, I continue to grow every day, learn from the different Paths, and keep developing upon the one I am on now. I personally believe that it will be a long day from now when I have learned all that I think I need and feel 100% enlightened and connected to my personal truth (if that day comes at all). So…spiritually, I am still evolving, still changing, still learning, still exploring. Spiritually I am still a book with a lot of blank pages just waiting to be filled…and The Force has stuck with me, it has chosen me to continue down this path no matter how wobbly or worn it may get at times.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that…I am different now than I was back one year ago, and my story cannot be told because it is nowhere near finished yet.

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