What is my specialty?!

Posted: June 30, 2013 in Asking Advice?, Ranting/Venting, SITH-Related

I find myself rather disturbed as of late…I find myself agitated and feeling lost when it comes to the Dark Side of The Force. I feel like I am letting the words of others get to me, and I’m starting to really ponder over things that otherwise I would have never bothered to question:

What is my specialty?

Seriously…
I was a Dark Lord at Sith Academy. I feel as though I earned that title and even though I know that my specialty lay in Religious Discussion, Covert Operations, and in Recruitment…still, what am I good for now? TOTSO so far has not really taken to the very few ideas I have tried to hand them (taken from other places I have been where these methods work), and when I asked about adding in Religion Courses as part of our training (to become more knowledgeable of all Religions in the World) and that is still hanging in the balance (most likely to be denied), I wonder where that leaves me as a Sith?

While I can carry on a decent debate and I play a huge role-model for what the ‘unmasked’ Sith are like, what they face, and how they overcome obstacles as well as posting about the more abstract thoughts and etc // as far as being a Dark Lady goes, it would seem that other than being a support, I really have no other function, and this really has me down in the dumps.
Currently I will start some training that was made specifically for me by a former apprentice and it is not exactly sad, but different that the Student is now teaching that person that once taught them and is supposed to be their Master.

Note that I am never one to turn down an opportunity to learn and become better by these means of gathering information…but seriously. There was another instance at TOTSO where I felt this way as well, and it kinda goes hand-in-hand with this: It was my Darth name.

I don’t have a Darth name, or a Dark name that holds any true significance to anything. I was not given a Darth name by a Master (because I never had one), I never had a vision of what my power on the path of Darkness was and therefore I had to become the embodiment of the power and therefore the name…as I just mentioned, I feel as though I hold no real specialty in these new schools and Temples in which I hold high standing, so where the hell do I even begin here?!

I was highly respected at SA for what my specialties were, highly respected for my intelligence and my ability to shrug off insults and be neutral. Now I am shaken by what seems to be a small thing, but in the long-run, I feel like this really affects me as a Dark Lady, as someone that gained the title of Lordship…and honestly, I just really need to know where to go and what to do from here.

It is one of those moments where I would love to relax, meditate, and reflect on this for answers, but I’m not even sure where to focus my thoughts and/or where to begin with this. I am hoping that I am not the only one that has ever suffered from this problem and could really use some advice. :/

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Comments
  1. butchjax says:

    If they don’t respect you, don’t appreciate you, why are you there?

    • element02 says:

      It was merely at “The New Sith Order” and it was only one person that had that comment that unnerved me. I do not spend much time there because I am more concerned with helping build TOTSO.

      And at TOTSO the council of nine make decisions based on majority vote, so I cant be too insulted when my ideas dont fly…these other council members are way more experienced than I am…and as stated, I really hold no specialty that they have not the skills to teach themselves.

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