Stuck in a Rut…

Posted: December 1, 2012 in Asking Advice?, Ranting/Venting

Well, the title basically says it all. Here lately I feel as though I have been stuck in a rut.

Ever since Taz left again for Germany, everything has seemed all the more real: the fears that she might deploy (which they already started training her to do), the fact that we have yet to find me a permanent place to live, the fact that I have yet to get my permanent residency visa, the fact that I still have bills to pay on my last apartment, AND the fact that she has been very depressed and homesick and I could do nothing to cure her of this…

Along with everything else that I have to do before I leave, and then the fact that it’s the busiest part of the season for my line of work…ungh…it all has gotten to be too much. Granted, I have slowly started working out again, but, for awhile there, I as sitting around and doing nothing other than skyping Taz on the computer…I didn’t want to get up, go shopping, go see friends, because I felt like she needed me there…needed my comfort.

But that;s not my biggest issue right now…
The thing that has been bothering the most is the fact that I am finding it harder and harder to wake up in the mornings and to go to sleep at night. I am a night-shift worker, and I usually would wake up around 3am because I had to leave for work at 5pm, start work at 6:30pm, and then not even get home to get some rest until sometime after 5-7am. It makes for a really hard week. Because there were doctors appointments that I could not wake up for, mandatory overtime that came out of nowhere when I had already made plans to get things done.

Even on days where I had nothing to do work-wise, I would find that I could not sleep. During the work-week, I was always being woken up by Skype or by the relatives downstairs who were leaving for work/school or returning for lunch breaks, or even coming back from the grocery and were now fussing about the house. When that wasnt waking me up, a nightmare would, or the fact that I was cold would make it impossible for me to sleep. Then, when I did sleep…it was choppy sleep. I might get a few hours here and some more hours later.

I’m the type of person that has to be allowed to sleep straight-through, otherwise I dont feel as though I have gotten any sleep at all…but it would seem that, that is impossible anymore. But when I DO sleep, I’m falling asleep very early in the morning, and then, I’m not waking up until very late that next evening because my body just feels exhausted.

I thought it was my being lazy that was causing this…but alas, even when I started working out again, that only drained me more…and put me into more of a rut. I have been eating healthier: trying to get in more fruits and vegetables, things to give me naturally energy so that I can stay away from pop and the like. But nothing seems to be working. I just dont know what to do….

I mostly blame anxiety and stress…but it could b anything really. Either way, I just need a solution to this problem, and that-is-that.

  1. butchjax says:

    Are you still stuck? The key to stuck is to make space for yourself. Did you read the post I wrote on access consciousness?

    What I do when I get stuck is to first say, out loud if possible, and in silly voices preferably, because silliness is good – All of life comes to me with ease, joy, and glory. I say that many times. And then, How does it get any better than this? These phrases are expansive. That’s what you need. Doing it with silliness brings light energy to it. That also helps. If that doesn’t do enough, try this. (and experiment with what feels right to clear).

    Everything that keeps me from living a life of ease, joy and glory, I destroy and uncreate times a godzillion. Right, wrong, good, bad, pod, poc (pock), all 9, shorts, boys and beyonds. And don’t have high expectations for yourself. It’s going to be challenging to transition between these times of with and without Taz. That’s ok. Hang in there.

    • element02 says:

      I’m not anymore…I just took some time to really clear out my head after the breakdown and I have been taking things a bit more slowly. Smaller bites more like. It’s helping.

      • butchjax says:

        Cool. 🙂 Well, remember this stuff when you get stuck again. I keep saying it hoping I remember when I get stuck. Or someone else will remind me. lol

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